The Best Book on Grief Ever!!!! "HOW TO RECOVER FROM PET LOSS" by Wendy Andres

 The Scottish Pet Bereavement Counselling Service. 

"I'd like to think that we live longer so that we can love and care for more of them in our lifetime." WA

It is not hyperbole when I say that this is the best book ever on grief, because it is the best book.  (and I had to "go" to Scotland to find it!)  At least it is the best book I've read, and I have read quite a few.  This book is a quick read, if you are just reading, but if you need to process your grief, it may take a little while longer.  

I would like to share why pet bereavement is a "close to my heart" topic, but first I want to talk about a term that Wendy introduced me to in her book - "Disenfranchised Grief"

"Disenfranchised Grief" according to Wendy's description is "grief that is not acknowledged or accepted in society."

For all "pet parents", we understand that losing a dog or a cat or a horse or a turtle or a bunny... (the list goes on) is real loss and needs to be treated as real loss.  Wendy knows this and her book and her services really reach out to people who know pain from pet loss. 

"Acknowledge how your friend is feeling, but don't pretend to know exactly how they are feeling.  You can't possibly know. Everyone has a different experience of grief.  And that's okay." WA

Sometimes people in our "world" don't always view pet illness or loss as serious as human loss.  I am not one to compare losses of any kind, but we can't just dismiss pet loss as an "easy get over" kind of thing.   Just because the object of affection has four legs instead of two, doesn't necessarily make the loss easier or less significant to the one who's lost.  

"Maybe people view pet bereavement as an overreaction, but it's important to remember that each individual is entitled to feel whatever they are feeling. Whether other people understand it or not; and nobody has the right to invalidate those feelings. Grief has no time limits." WA

I have had a lot of animal friends die, but the grief was short lived.  I was not given permission by anyone to extend my sadness longer than a day or two.   Not until Tigger died, did I understand loss and a loss that went on for a lot longer than a day or two. 

Tigger was my husband's cat when we got married.  It took a while for my heart to fall for our four legged roommate, but I did, and it was my first experience at becoming a "parent" instead of an owner.  (and for any cat parents, we all know who does the owning in relationship!) 

It was four years into our marriage when Tigger got sick.  It was his heart.  We had him into the vet, before, for an ultrasound and bad heart was diagnosed.  It was a hard decision to "put him down", but as pet parents we had that option.  I want to say, that had it been our human child, it would have been a very different experience, but not necessarily easier.  I would maybe imagine this to the pain to disconnecting your child from life support. That is never an easy or painless decision to make, pet euthanasia is never an easy or painless decision to make.  

I was in the room with Tigger when the vet administered the shots.  I had never been with anyone in their moment of death, so this was life altering for me.  I felt honored to hold Tigger in his last moments, but I believe it changed me.  I was trying to be strong for my husband, so I didn't unleash a lot of emotion that day.  The emotional unleashing came a week later when I went to the vet hospital to pick up Tigger's ashes.  The staff at the clinic went above and beyond to treat our loss with the utmost of dignity.  But to this day, we got one sympathy card for Tigger's passing... and it was from the hospital.  

"I do want you to be aware that other people may view this stage as a gross over reaction when it comes to pet bereavement.  My message to you is, just ignore them, this is not their journey and they have no idea how you are feeling in this moment. Grief is a very personal thing, and everyone has a vastly different experience." WA 

Wendy's book takes the reader through stages, and I am challenged by this line of thinking, as I don't see grief as a stage transition, but a journey.  But there is a lot to be learned in each of the chapters on the "stages of grief".  Even in our journey of grief, what happens in us changes as the time passes and that is part of it.  That transition may not be as distinctive as a "stage change", but it is there.  This journey gets a little less painful as the time passes, and then one day I looked around two more cats moved in and I became a parent again.  

Sofie and Twinkel are not replacements for Tigger, but complements to the love of Tigger.  They are an addition of love in a place where Tigger started the love.  We never set out to find a replacement, they just invited themselves into our hearts and we gave them a home.  I think that can be how the journey of grief finds a healing.  It did for us.  

"One of the surest ways to discover if you have reached the stage of acceptance is when you feel like you might want to open your heart and home to another companion animal. Your past pets will never be replaced by new pets, but your heart may be open to that love again some day. " WA

Compelled to meet Anna LeBaron in THE POLYGAMIST'S DAUGHTER

"I felt unloved and unwanted, a little girl who was nothing more than a nuisance. With no father or mother around to protect me or see to my needs, I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere" AL

"One of more than fifty children of infamous polygamist cult leader Ervil LeBaron, Anna LeBaron endured abandonment, horrific living conditions, child labor, and sexual grooming. At age thirteen, she escaped the violent cult, eventually gave her life to Christ, and sought healing. A gifted communicator and personal growth activist, she’s passionate about helping others walk in freedom." (Anna's Bio in the book)

Have you ever been introduced to someone, whether personally or via a media source, and something in you tells you "I need to get to know this person."  I "met" Anna LeBaron in conjunction with the release of the "A Language of Healing" book.  I was drawn into watching the Zoom conversations on Bob Prater's Youtube channel, and Anna was one of the hosts of one of the conversations.  I looked a little further down the line of videos that Bob has posted, and there was  an interview that she did with Bob.  I was immediately drawn into their conversation and immediately attracted to the vibrant, enthusiastic, joyful woman.  Her disclaimer  "I have licence to be as weird as I want." has me believing that somewhere in this world, I have a soul sister that understands me.  I started feeling that I needed to get to know Anna LeBaron.  

When asked in the interview how she was managing the 2020 chaos... she replied with a voice of contentment "I have toilet paper in my house."  I was sold.  I needed to read her book for starters.  But before I started the book, I watched a movie.  It wasn't the movie of her book, but a movie of the story of her family. 

The Ervil Lebaron story was showcased in a TV movie called "The Prophet of Evil" (available on Youtube), starring Brian Dennehy and William Devane.  With the lineup of books in my reading list, the movie was a quick introduction into the nightmare that was the life of Anna LeBaron and her family. 

Here is an excerpt from the L.A. Times written in September of 1992 by staff writer Gary Abrams. 

 "Ervil LeBaron listened carefully when God told him to take many wives. He married 13. When God told him to have children, he had at least 50.

And, 20 years ago, when God told him to break away from his family’s polygamist sect, he founded his own church, tearing apart the once close-knit family.

That’s apparently when God told Ervil to start killing people, too, including his own kin.

Authorities say it was the start of a chilling family tradition that continues to reverberate today among his descendants and followers more than a decade after his death."

Who was this woman who had this man as a father?  I needed to read her story.  I needed to sit along side her pain.  I needed to acknowledge that maybe her journey could teach me in mine.  This book took me two days to read.  

"Shame washed over me. Shame that I was looked down upon, even among the poorest citizens of a third-world country. Shame that my desperate hunger drove me to attack food like a wild animal. I wanted to dive under my seat and never come out again. But I couldn’t move.  And there was no place to hide anyway."  AL

I never had to dumpster dive for food as a child, but I understand shame. 

"We were not raised to voice our opinions or speak of our desires, needs, and longings. We were trained to simply do as we were told." AL

This sounds familiar, this much I understand. Seeing a snippet of Anna's personality and how much it resonates with mine, I don't have to imagine what it was like for her to have that fire in her as a child and yet grow up "being seen and not heard".  I get it. 

" “I just think this shows that buried deep inside him, underneath the madness of his mind, in his heart of hearts, he must have loved all of his kids. However messed up his expression of that was, he still loved us.” I wanted so badly to believe that about him. " (inner quote by Anna's sister Lillian) AL

How much courage and faith does it take to believe that no matter now "messed up" our parents might be we can still see love in and through them.  Maybe that is something I can believe because I have seen a love in my own Dad, that was greater than his own human ability to express it, even in the midst of his worst brokenness. 

“Mom, what kind of religion makes you question whether you should show up during the darkest hours of your children’s lives?” AL

Religion vs family has been a struggle for me as well.  I often get frustrated when religion and it's expressions get prioritized ahead of family.  There are no easy answers for this.  I want to honour my family's need to express their "faith", but I still get angry.  Am I selfish?  Sometimes I think so.  

"I know there are people in my family who will not be happy that I have written this book. Some may have a different perspective on or recollection of the events that I describe. Being a peacemaker at heart, it took me a while to gather the courage to tell my story, knowing that others would question me—and my motives—for writing. I hope they will tell their stories one day as well." AL

Is it the first story out that takes all the heat for existing?  Is it the first author that exposes the pain, that seeks to unearth the secrets; is that the sister that get the dirty looks at the family reunion?  The others haven't shared their story yet.  The others still need to keep their secrets.  The others are still trying to heal.  Maybe it's that first author that can wrap her arms around her brothers and sisters and let them know that their story matters too.  Maybe it is that author that will be the guide for their healing journey.  

My family has navigated the choppy waters of our spiritual expressions within the context of our relationships with one another. Lots of love and grace have been extended and received. AL

I am grateful to get to this place in the journey.  The place where family, outside of their need to have others conform to their beliefs and traditions, can extend their arms and embrace each other with love and grace.  How precious is that moment.  

Thank you Anna for the bravery and courage it took to share your journey.  It was hard for me to see the same joyful woman from the Bob Prater interview in the footsteps of that girl in the story she wrote about in "The Polygamist's Daughter".  But I am glad that girl found a joy that helped her to rise about the life she was given and embrace the life she now lives.  I hope this story helps heal your family too.  

"I know that because of both my father and my mother, I was born the polygamists’ daughter.

But that truth has been redeemed by a bigger Truth. I am a child of a God who loves me unconditionally. He knows my name. He knows my story.

And He has set me free. " AL

I need to detour for the remainder of this blog post and admit one more little tidbit.  When I first got introduced to Anna's story, she reminded me of another woman...  Let me backtrack and explain... 

I used to watch a show that introduced me to the positive side of polygamy.  It intrigued me in the early years of the show, but as time went on and reality TV got imbedded in the lives of the "actors", I wondered if the original intent for the show got buried in the drama of television life.  

"Sister Wives" introduced me to a level of compassion I never knew before.  I even have their book in my library.  I struggled with the idea that four women could share a husband and it was a good thing.  It seemed that the more I listened to their story, that I started to believe that maybe it worked for them.  Maybe not all polygamists experienced "hell on earth".  Initially the intent of "Sister Wives" reality show was to convey that that the fundamental practice of polygamy had a positive side to it.  It entertained and enlightened me for awhile, but soon I got bored because of the increase in "Hollywood drama". 

The woman that reminded me of Anna was Christine Brown, one of the reality stars from "Sister Wives".  The resemblance was striking, but I thought it was just a coincidence... until I got to the Q&A portion of Anna's book and one of the questions asked was about reality shows about polygamy.  And then I got my answer.  

"As for the show Sister Wives, Christine Brown is my cousin. Her grandfather and my father are brothers. She doesn’t know me—yet. I follow her on Twitter, but that’s the extent of my connection with her as of this writing. I’d love to meet her, of course! I do wonder about her early years, where she grew up, and if she knew about my dad or had any experiences with him." AL

An Atheist saves my faith in "JESUS, INTERRUPTED" by Dr. Bart D. Ehrman

"A Christianity dependent on the inerrancy of the Bible probably cannot survive the reality of the discrepancies. But there are lots of other forms of the Christian faith, many of them unscathed by the fact that the Bible is not a completely perfect book." BE

"It's better to have an informed faith than an ignorant faith." Dr. Bart D. Erhman mentioned this in an interview with Drew Marshall back in 2016.  

I think faith in the essence of its meaning doesn't require knowledge (ignorant). Faith is faith, but faith can be enhanced by knowledge (informed).  

If you read my other posts on this blog, I made it pretty clear that faith is a grey area for me right now.  I have been pretty cerebral for a while when it comes to my comprehension of the universe and everything in it... including me. Things need to make sense to me and that has been working for me for now, but there is one problem.  My brain has been lacking in the Jesus area.   That's right.  Since I have been processing "God" with my brain, I need something more than...

"Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so." 

"As time went on my views continued to evolve. I did not go from being an evangelical to an agnostic overnight. Quite the contrary: for some fifteen years after I had given up on my views of the verbal inspiration of the Bible, I continued to be a faithful Christian—a churchgoing, God-believing, sin-confessing Christian. I did become increasingly liberal in my views. My research led me to question important aspects of my faith." BE

(Oh Boy... that sounds familiar.) Bart Erhman is my second attempt at reading a PHD University Professor and Bible Scholar.  Peter Enns was my first.  I am a middle aged bible school dropout that never hopes to grace the doors of a seminary.  Seminaries are where others have gone to unearth the answers to some troubling questions about a man who lived two thousand years ago.  Suffice it to say then, I need to read books written by people who have invested their lives and careers in asking questions and maybe even discovering some answers.  

"Jesus, Interrupted" is so appropriately subtitled "Revealing the Hidden Contradictions in the Bible (and Why We Don't Know About Them)" Reading this book, I have a troubling thought running laps in my brain.  Why am I just getting this information now?  I took time off after high school to study the bible, and we never discussed the discrepancies.  Somehow, I spent fourteen months and never asked the questions I am asking now, and never entertained the idea that there was more to the Bible than the belief that I was being introduced to.  The evidence in my journal entries from my time at bible school would state that I was more interested in my social life than in digging into the deep dark secrets of a collection of books written some 2000 years ago.  

"Most people who are not conversant with biblical scholarship probably think that knowing about the historical Jesus is a relatively simple matter. We have four Gospels in the New Testament. To know what Jesus said and did, we should read the Gospels. They tell us what he said and did. So what’s the problem?

The problem is in part that the Gospels are full of discrepancies and were written decades after Jesus’ ministry and death by authors who had not themselves witnessed any of the events of Jesus’ life." BE

Maybe the other problem is that faith is easier to process, then the historical evidence unearthed about the very documents that have fed the faith.  My main defence in acknowledging the messiness of the biblical text is that I live two thousand years after the story. 

Right now, I am imagining life in the year 4020... and someone unearths my journals and blog posts.  I have a feeling that they may only get a glimpse of who the real Ruby Neumann is.  If that is my conclusion in imagining my own story, maybe then I am allowed some grace in understanding that I don't have the whole story of Jesus.  What I do have has been filtered through a lot of hands and a lot of editing.  Even if someone read my journals forty to a hundred years from now... they still won't have the whole story.  And I am doing something Jesus didn't do... I am writing my story as I live it.  

I remember playing the telephone game in youth group.  We would have about ten people in a circle.  The youth leader would whisper a sentence into one person's ear and then they had to whisper what they heard to the next person and so on around the circle... only having one chance to pass along the message.  That last person who got the message and had to say it out loud NEVER got it right.  It was NEVER the same as the original statement from the youth leader.  

"Imagine playing telephone not among a group of kids of the same socioeconomic class from the same neighbourhood and same school and of the same age speaking the same language, but imagine playing it for forty or more years, in different countries, in different contexts, in different languages. What happens to the stories? They change." BE

"One might be tempted to despair at establishing anything historical about Jesus, given the chaotic state of affairs. With sources like these, how can we know anything at all about the historical Jesus?" BE

I guess that is where faith comes in... right? That is what you might be tempted to tell me right about now.  But I'm not reading this book because at the end I can just ignore the mess, sweep it all under some theological carpet and have faith.  That ship, my friends, has sailed.  

So far, without the faith element, Bart has introduced me to a real Jesus.  Right now, I don't know much about that real Jesus, but just the idea that he existed is huge for me.  It is the starting point I was looking for.  

"Christianity as we have come to know it did not, in any event, spring into being overnight. It emerged over a long period of time, through a period of struggles, debates, and conflicts over competing views, doctrines, perspectives, canons, and rules. The ultimate emergence of the Christian religion represents a human invention—in terms of its historical and cultural significance, arguably the greatest invention in the history of Western civilization." BE

Years ago, I tossed out the idea that the religion of Christianity was a foundation for me.  It was more of a boat anchor tied to my neck than a foundation. Maybe there is a purpose to it, and I'm not going to say there isn't one, I just need something more than a religion.  I think I need the Jesus that didn't start a new religion, but spend his years on this planet trying to stop religion from hindering the things that really mattered.  So if Jesus really existed, and as messed up as some of the written story is, maybe I can find something redeemable in the mess and maybe that is faith. 

The last chapter of the book is entitled "Is Faith Possible?"  I stopped reading at that point.  I really want to find out if I have an answer to that question before I get Bart's thoughts.  I want to take the thoughts I gleaned from the first seven chapters and sit on them for a bit.  So far... this is what I have...

1. Jesus existed

2. He didn't write anything down and his followers didn't take notes. 

4. Jesus and his followers spoke Aramaic

5. The written accounts were in Greek, written at least a minimum of forty years after his death. 

6. The bible on my shelf is in English

7. Doing the math... I have no clue what Jesus really said when he was on Earth. 

So now I am left to figure out the value of what was written down.  Is it something that can help me improve my life here on Earth, because that is what I am looking for... improvement for my life here on Earth.  Even if those words left behind are helpful on my journey... I am still left to figure out where Jesus fits in to the picture.  I hope it is more than just the ultimate romance novel.  But if that is all I have, it is still more than what the world is giving me.  And now I come back to the value of having faith.  Faith... not knowing... something maybe this agnostic, clueless blogger can find.  

Now I am ready to find out from Bart if faith is possible.  On to chapter eight...

"Probably the one question I get asked more than any other, by people who know that I am an agnostic scholar of the New Testament, is why I continue to study and teach the New Testament if I no longer believe in it?

This is a question that has never made much sense to me. The Bible is the most important book in the history of Western civilization. It is the most widely purchased, the most thoroughly studied, the most highly revered, and the most completely misunderstood book—ever! Why wouldn’t I want to study it?" BE

I entitled this post "An Atheist saves my faith"... and after reading chapter eight and finishing the book, the tears in my eyes are testifying that it's not true... it is more than true.  What is being saved is not faith as a noun... but faith as a verb.  I can still trust in something and someone even in the middle of a very messy story... and maybe right now, it is just because that someone makes sense and that for me just might be enough.  

Bart goes on to say just how valuable the story still is and how much it has to teach us.  Maybe two thousand years after the story, I can't prove much about Jesus, but that is okay.  Since, according to Bart and other bible scholars,  there is enough documented evidence that Jesus existed, I can trust that and start there.  People must have thought that who Jesus was and what he said made a difference enough to pass the story along for two thousand years.  I can also start there.  The messy details don't need to bog me down.  

If I am going to trust in a Creator, and trust that this Creator Loves, because that much still makes sense to me (Creation and Love)... then maybe I can trust that for that Creator to Love, it meant becoming intimately involved with the creation. And maybe that was Jesus.  However that happened is what is left to some good stories and little more faith.  I understand there are some big questions still and overwhelming obstacles that deserve some more discussion... like the pain and evil we have in the world.  But I already did a blog post on that book.  

Thank you Bart for introducing me to a real Jesus.  Maybe faith can take it from here.  I'm still comfortable with the agnostic adjective for now, but maybe I'm not as clueless, because of an effort to be a little more informed. 

"Faith is not a matter of smarts." BE

"ReGRACE"... What the Shocking Beliefs of the Great Christians taught me "" by Frank Viola

"The church is tired of seeing Christians act ungraciously toward one another when they disagree. Social media has added to the carnage. Christians routinely block each other on Facebook because of doctrinal disagreements. The world watches the blood-letting, and the Christian witness is tarnished.

But what if every Christian discovered that their favorite teacher in church history had blind spots and held to some false–and even shocking–views?

Bestselling author Frank Viola argues that this simple awareness will soften Christians when they interact with each other in the face of theological disagreements.

In ReGrace, he uncovers some of the shocking beliefs held by faith giants like C.S. Lewis, Luther, Calvin, Moody, Spurgeon, Wesley, Graham, and Augustine–not to downgrade or dismiss them, but to show that even “the greats” in church history didn’t get everything right.

Knowing that the heroes of our faith sometimes got it wrong will empower us to treat our fellow Christians with grace rather than disdain whenever we disagree over theology." 

Sometimes, the back cover says it all! 

I was in Red Deer with my mother and we stopped by the Kennedy's Parable book store en route to see my niece.  We had some time on our hands and I like browsing the shelves.  This book popped out and I picked it up.  Frank Viola is not a stranger to the library of my life.  I read two of his books a few years back... "Pagan Christianity (co-authored with George Barna) and "Reimagining Church".  Both books were transitional for me at the time.  I was transitioning out of the organized system of "church" and looking for something less organized (for lack of a better descriptor).  Frank was, for me, that middle step that helped me get to the next level on my journey, because jumping the whole distance at once could have hurt me.  When I saw ReGrace, it brought me back to that middle step in my memory and I realized that there was still something of value there.  

"ReGrace has but one objective: to foster grace, civility, and tolerance among Christians when they disagree with one another over theological matters." FV

That may have been Frank's objective in writing the book, but for me as a reader, it was like sitting in the mall "people watching".  I got to sit on the bench and watch some of the Greats of Christianity walk by, not in their perfected Sunday best, but in their Monday work duds.  Frank gave me an inside scoop on the humanity of some people that have been stuck high in the clouds for way too long.  That for me was enlightening, and not because I thought these "dudes" were perfect, but because this side of their story is rarely exposed to poorly informed humans like me.  I am giddy with excitement when I get to see the humanity in people.  It is something to be treasured and respected, not hidden under a carpet.  

"Some of the so-called shocking beliefs that I cover in this book are beliefs that I myself agree with. Others I find abhorrent. Consequently, just because a shocking belief is listed doesn’t reveal how I personally feel about it. It simply means that many evangelical Christians will find the belief to be shocking (at worst) or peculiar (at best)." FV

As I read some of the "shocking beliefs" of men like Charles Spurgeon, John Calvin, Martin Luther, C.S. Lewis and even Billy Graham,  I found brothers on a journey.  Maybe others who have read this book, who have put these men high on a pedestal, weren't as understanding as I was, but that is their journey.  I really enjoyed discovering a few things. 

Here are a few factoids that I found "refreshing"

- "C.S. Lewis believed that the book of Job wasn't historical and that the Bible contained errors." 

- "Charles Spurgeon was never ordained and didn't believe that ordination was important, He was also against the use of honorific titles."  

- "Dwight L. Moody didn't believe in making doctrine an issue." 

And my favourite!!!! 

- "Martin Luther believed using profanity was acceptable." 

(I wonder if my dad knew that little tidbit! Maybe if he had, there would have been a little more "ReGrace" when I had to tell him that I got caught swearing at school in Grade 9. If I knew about Luther's potty mouth, it would have made for a better defence.)

Some factoids aren't that inspiring but are entertaining. 

 - "Augustine believed in praying for the dead"

(maybe that's not funny if you belong to the LDS church) 

 - "John Wesley believed in ghosts and other paranormal phenomena."

What really melted my heart was the chapter on Billy Graham.  I discovered that the Billy Graham of my youth, was not the Billy Graham that wrote the book "Nearing Home".  He had his own slide with certainty as the years progressed.  Maybe he had the chance to rethink all the sermons he preached over the years and maybe the conclusions he came up with in his early years weren't the same as the doubts he was having in his later years.  I really respect him for not hiding those doubts in interviews and admitting that there is indeed "a wideness in God's Mercy" 

After Frank goes through the chapters on the "Great Christians", he spends some time talking about what really matters... and it's not the doctrine or the lack there of.  It is the whole purpose of the book...  I like the chapter "The Art of being a Jerk Online."  That chapter alone is worth the cost of the book. 

"Beware the person who quotes short excerpts from a book and then purports to interpret the author of the book.  In many (if not most) cases where the interpretation is negative, the person is misrepresenting the author.  You'll also discover something else in virtually every case -- the person quoting and interpreting has never gone to the author to ask if she is understanding the author correctly." FV

Oh I really hope I don't do that in my book blog.  The books I share on my blog have been very helpful on my journey.  So far, I don't personally know any of the authors, even though I have met some of them on occasion at public events or online. When I have access to their email address, I send the author a link to my blog post and on occasion, I get a response back.  It is comforting to get confirmation back that I am doing something good with this blog. 

 I will never be able to speak for the author, but hopefully, I can let someone else in on an exciting journey of discovery.  That is why I do this.  And maybe that is what this book does... invites the reader on a journey of discovery, not only of some pretty famous Christians, but hopefully of that friend, or neighbour who needs a little "ReGrace".  

My Disclaimer:  This book seems addressed to people who have adopted the label "Christian" and maybe that is a label that Frank Viola has adopted.  I am not one of those people who claim that label anymore, but I still enjoyed the book and there were a lot of valuable nuggets of wisdom for me.  I have that approach to most books I read.  I don't always agree with everything the author writes, but if I let those little things bother me, I would miss so much more.  

Thank you Frank, for yet another timely read.  I just wish I could have passed along that little tidbit about Martin Luther to my dad... I wonder if we could have laughed about it now.  

I will end this post with a quote in the book that made me laugh. 

"People understand me so poorly that they don't even understand my complaint about them not understanding me." Søren Kierkegaard

CARL MEDEARIS Speaks of Muslims, Christians and Jesus

"If we don’t truly know what the gospel is, we have to find an explanation for Christianity. Rather than extending ourselves to the other person, we tend to defend our position. I think the majority of modern evangelism involves Christians trying to explain to everybody else why they believe what they believe because they’re insecure themselves." CM (SOJ)

It was a few years ago when I first discovered Carl Medearis.  I was at a Breakforth Conference in Edmonton and Carl was doing some sessions.  The title of one of the sessions intrigued me. "The Art of Not-Evangelism" which is the subtitle to his book "Speaking of Jesus".  I think if I remember correctly, I went to all his sessions that weekend and picked up both his books "Speaking of Jesus" and "Muslims, Christians, and Jesus."  I read "Speaking of Jesus" right away, but shelved the other book, and didn't pick it up until this past month.  After I read "Muslims, Christians, and Jesus", I decided to reread "Speaking of Jesus" 

Who Carl is speaks largely about what he writes, so I am including his bio found on his website.  

Carl Medearis is an international expert in the field of Arab-American and Muslim-Christian relations.

He acts as a catalyst for a number of current movements in the Middle East to promote peace-making, as well as cultural, political and religious dialog leading toward reconciliation. He is the author of several acclaimed books including Muslims, Christians and Jesus, Speaking of Jesus, Adventures in Saying Yes, and Tea with Hezbollah.

Carl, his wife Chris, and their three kids lived in Beirut, Lebanon for 12 years. Through their unique and strategic approach around the Arab world, they encouraged university students, business professionals and political leaders to live their lives by the principles and teachings of Jesus in order to change their societies and nations.

Today Carl and his wife Chris share their lives between Colorado and Dubai. They spend their time working with leaders in the West and in the Arab world with the hope of seeing the Arab Middle East and the West experience full and fruitful relationships through the life and teachings of Jesus of Nazareth.

I think what draws me into these books with so much enthusiasm, is Carl's disdain for Christianity as a religion, and his adoration of Jesus.  

On the back cover of "Speaking of Jesus" it reads. 

"Author Carl Medearis is not interested in keeping Christianity alive.  Not one bit.  Carl believes it has grown into something that is rarely attractive, frequently divisive, and all too often embarrassing.  He believes you may feel this way too.  In his new book, Speaking of Jesus, Carl gives a wink and a grin and the permission to stop feeding this thing called Christianity.  His offer is that doing so allows us the freedom to relax and feast on Jesus." CM (SOJ)

I guess a few years back I was looking for voices that were talking about Jesus, not the religion that evolved out of his followers.  Carl's books are journals of his journeys in the Middle East and conversations he has with people he encounters on his travels.  Why does he travel? He follows Jesus. Sometimes following Jesus takes him into strange places.  

I was staying with friends at a hotel in Basra, Iraq, in the spring of 2003. While there, we managed to attract the curiosity of the hotel staff. They were curious about this team of international people staying at their hotel. Since a war was well under way, they were all the more intrigued because we weren’t wearing camouflage and toting M4 carbines. During the day, out in the streets, we had given out all of our texts—Arabic translations of the gospel of Luke. We were checking in for another day and as we stood in the lobby near the front desk, the hospitality manager leaned across the counter and looked at me.

“Why have you come here?” he asked in English. “Are you with the American army?”

“No,” I said, “we followed Jesus to Basra, so we are trying to find out what He is doing here.” CM (SOJ)

This is the art of non-evangelism.  It seems so simple.  Striking up a conversation about Jesus and only Jesus.  I think that is why Carl has so much positive response from the people he talks to.  He is not trying to convert, conform or Christianize anyone... he is just following Jesus and seeing what Jesus is up to, and it seems that the Jesus he follows opens doors for him that Christianity would never be able to.  

"The whole message of God can be summarized in one short sentence: Love God and love people. Eight times in the Bible we are told to “love your neighbor.” It’s one of the most repeated commands. And it’s clear from the teachings of Jesus that our “neighbor” is basically anyone we meet who is in need (which would be everyone).

As we’ve discussed, Jesus seems to have a favorable bias toward the “wrong crowd.” I hate to say it, but Muslims probably fit into this category! They’re outsiders here in the West: wrong religion, wrong language, wrong temperament. Sounds like Jesus’ kind of people." CM (MCJ)

"Muslims, Christians, and Jesus" was published first of these two books, and it is a helpful guide inside the world of "Gaining Understanding and Building Relationships" with Muslims... which is something Carl does... builds relationships.  I am all for learning how to have relationships with "Jesus' kind of people".  

If you looking for a quick and concise read and insight into the basics of the Islam faith, this is a good book to get your hands on and your eyes reading.  One may find that we have more in common with our Muslim neighbours that we realized...which just might include a love for Jesus.  

I have many friends who are Catholic and if, during the seventies and eighties, people were to have broadly blamed Catholicism for the terrorism in Belfast, they would have been completely wrong. Everybody knows Catholics are not terrorists. Neither are Muslims. Terrorists are terrorists. CM (MCJ)

I still admire books about the simple message of Jesus.  I am done with Christianity, as Carl Medearis is, but I like his invitation to "Speak of Jesus" and to gain some understanding and build relationships. I still struggle in my theology, and might for a long time, but maybe this isn't about theology, it is finding common ground, and maybe that common ground is Jesus. We can't be too educated on people.  We need to move closer to understanding and farther away from the fear.  I am of the thought that fear is a result of a lack of knowledge and understanding.  Most of our fears are unfounded, because we haven't taken the time to get to know our neighbour.  

Thank you Carl, for two amazing books and your invitation to discover Jesus in a whole new light.  I need all the help I can get right now.  

"Once again, the power of the simple message of love, forgiveness, and peace showed that it conquers all. It’s the way of Jesus. The world is full of strife, war, conflicts, and hatred. The life Christ offers is the opposite of that: He provides a way to live in this very world, but to do so in peace and love. But we have to choose this stand. It doesn’t come easily or naturally." CM (MCJ)