The Ervil Lebaron story was showcased in a TV movie called "The Prophet of Evil" (available on Youtube), starring Brian Dennehy and William Devane. With the lineup of books in my reading list, the movie was a quick introduction into the nightmare that was the life of Anna LeBaron and her family.
Here is an excerpt from the L.A. Times written in September of 1992 by staff writer Gary Abrams.
"Ervil LeBaron listened carefully when God told him to take many wives. He married 13. When God told him to have children, he had at least 50.
And, 20 years ago, when God told him to break away from his family’s polygamist sect, he founded his own church, tearing apart the once close-knit family.
That’s apparently when God told Ervil to start killing people, too, including his own kin.
Authorities say it was the start of a chilling family tradition that continues to reverberate today among his descendants and followers more than a decade after his death."
Who was this woman who had this man as a father? I needed to read her story. I needed to sit along side her pain. I needed to acknowledge that maybe her journey could teach me in mine. This book took me two days to read.
"Shame washed over me. Shame that I was looked down upon, even among the poorest citizens of a third-world country. Shame that my desperate hunger drove me to attack food like a wild animal. I wanted to dive under my seat and never come out again. But I couldn’t move. And there was no place to hide anyway." AL
I never had to dumpster dive for food as a child, but I understand shame.
"We were not raised to voice our opinions or speak of our desires, needs, and longings. We were trained to simply do as we were told." AL
This sounds familiar, this much I understand. Seeing a snippet of Anna's personality and how much it resonates with mine, I don't have to imagine what it was like for her to have that fire in her as a child and yet grow up "being seen and not heard". I get it.
" “I just think this shows that buried deep inside him, underneath the madness of his mind, in his heart of hearts, he must have loved all of his kids. However messed up his expression of that was, he still loved us.” I wanted so badly to believe that about him. " (inner quote by Anna's sister Lillian) AL
How much courage and faith does it take to believe that no matter now "messed up" our parents might be we can still see love in and through them. Maybe that is something I can believe because I have seen a love in my own Dad, that was greater than his own human ability to express it, even in the midst of his worst brokenness.
“Mom, what kind of religion makes you question whether you should show up during the darkest hours of your children’s lives?” AL
Religion vs family has been a struggle for me as well. I often get frustrated when religion and it's expressions get prioritized ahead of family. There are no easy answers for this. I want to honour my family's need to express their "faith", but I still get angry. Am I selfish? Sometimes I think so.
"I know there are people in my family who will not be happy that I have written this book. Some may have a different perspective on or recollection of the events that I describe. Being a peacemaker at heart, it took me a while to gather the courage to tell my story, knowing that others would question me—and my motives—for writing. I hope they will tell their stories one day as well." AL
Is it the first story out that takes all the heat for existing? Is it the first author that exposes the pain, that seeks to unearth the secrets; is that the sister that get the dirty looks at the family reunion? The others haven't shared their story yet. The others still need to keep their secrets. The others are still trying to heal. Maybe it's that first author that can wrap her arms around her brothers and sisters and let them know that their story matters too. Maybe it is that author that will be the guide for their healing journey.
My family has navigated the choppy waters of our spiritual expressions within the context of our relationships with one another. Lots of love and grace have been extended and received. AL
I am grateful to get to this place in the journey. The place where family, outside of their need to have others conform to their beliefs and traditions, can extend their arms and embrace each other with love and grace. How precious is that moment.
Thank you Anna for the bravery and courage it took to share your journey. It was hard for me to see the same joyful woman from the Bob Prater interview in the footsteps of that girl in the story she wrote about in "The Polygamist's Daughter". But I am glad that girl found a joy that helped her to rise about the life she was given and embrace the life she now lives. I hope this story helps heal your family too.
"I know that because of both my father and my mother, I was born the polygamists’ daughter.
But that truth has been redeemed by a bigger Truth. I am a child of a God who loves me unconditionally. He knows my name. He knows my story.
And He has set me free. " AL
I need to detour for the remainder of this blog post and admit one more little tidbit. When I first got introduced to Anna's story, she reminded me of another woman... Let me backtrack and explain...
I used to watch a show that introduced me to the positive side of polygamy. It intrigued me in the early years of the show, but as time went on and reality TV got imbedded in the lives of the "actors", I wondered if the original intent for the show got buried in the drama of television life.
"Sister Wives" introduced me to a level of compassion I never knew before. I even have their book in my library. I struggled with the idea that four women could share a husband and it was a good thing. It seemed that the more I listened to their story, that I started to believe that maybe it worked for them. Maybe not all polygamists experienced "hell on earth". Initially the intent of "Sister Wives" reality show was to convey that that the fundamental practice of polygamy had a positive side to it. It entertained and enlightened me for awhile, but soon I got bored because of the increase in "Hollywood drama".
The woman that reminded me of Anna was Christine Brown, one of the reality stars from "Sister Wives". The resemblance was striking, but I thought it was just a coincidence... until I got to the Q&A portion of Anna's book and one of the questions asked was about reality shows about polygamy. And then I got my answer.
"As for the show Sister Wives, Christine Brown is my cousin. Her grandfather and my father are brothers. She doesn’t know me—yet. I follow her on Twitter, but that’s the extent of my connection with her as of this writing. I’d love to meet her, of course! I do wonder about her early years, where she grew up, and if she knew about my dad or had any experiences with him." AL
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