"When it hit me that I was responsible for teaching my children everything, I knew in that moment that I must do something about this. And for me, “this” was the mindless transmission of information that I actually believed to be false, and “something” was telling the truth—to myself, to my kids, and, finally, to others." KC
Before I start into my breakdown of why I found this book so amazing, I want to admit to myself and whoever reads this blogpost that I currently identify as an Agnostic Atheist. I go into further detail about that label in a recent post in my blog "My Agnostic Closet" entitled "101223 "Agnostic Atheist" A label that works for me"
I wrote that post during my read of this book. Because of a challenge that Kate put forward to her readers in her chapter "Why I don't call myself an Agnostic." I explain in that post why I still use the label Agnostic, and even after my read of Kate's book, the label will stay, but maybe I can have more courage with the Atheist part of the identifier.
"Most of us have grown up with this reflexive deference to religion, and many of us continue to act on it even if we don’t ourselves believe in God. I still sometimes have to remind myself that it’s okay not to tiptoe around religion as if it were a soufflé that could collapse and then the dinner party will be ruined." KC
I wish I could go forward in my life and my relationships without feeling like I am tiptoeing around other people's faith expressions and religious practices. I am not silent and I don't feel like I am pretending, but I do avoid the whole story with some friends and family. (I may be out on my blogs... but most of my people don't come down this on-line rabbit trail with me.)
"I am not willing to say “that’s just my opinion” about whether something is fact or fiction, right or wrong. All beliefs—mine, theirs, Mike Pence’s—are not equal. Many are wrong. Some are harmlessly wrong (I’ll go to heaven after I die), and some are harmfully wrong (gay people will go to hell after they die)." KC
I totally understand this, but I still struggle around the dividing line between what is harmlessly wrong and harmfully wrong. Some things are obvious, but not all things are in my world. I know how to play the role of martyr in my circles; and I don't know how long that will work for me. Just being painfully honest.
And how harmless is the belief "I'll go to heaven after I die" when you get to spend eternity without your child that doesn't believe. My sister Jennifer died this summer, and I can surmise that my mother heard a lot of comments from others, something like this.
"Won't it be wonderful to see Jennifer in Heaven one day?'
What goes through my mother's mind when she hears that now?
"Yes, but what about Ruby?"
There is nothing harmless about that.
"Would I want to believe she still existed somewhere if she didn’t anymore? I guess, if I really thought I would see her again, I would. But mostly I would want her back. Want her back. Want her back. I would never not want her back, never not want to go back to the day before I lost her. I would only, maybe, years later, learn not to think about it as much." KC
That is right Kate, I want my sister back... here on Planet Earth. Not in some cosmic utopia. I need her here. But my wants and needs aren't going to make that a reality, either here now or after I'm dead.
"We want to love, to be loved, and to deserve love. For atheists, and even for believers, it hardly matters whether God is good or wants us to be good. What matters is that we know what’s bad—inside, we know—and we want to be good." KC
I have made myself clear for a while now that...
"Love Matters More".
"Love is the energy that drives the universe."
"Love drives out Fear."
I even can add that somewhere in that mix that Love helps us as humans find the line between good and bad. Love is intrinsic in our nature. At least that is my experience. Something in my DNA needs me to support my people in order for me to keep existing well. To jeopardize that doesn't make sense to me. Thank you Kate for adding that. Morals aren't found in the obedience of laws, they are in the core of a human to survive and thrive in this world. Call it a basic survival strategy. We need to be nice to people.
"If you pretend to believe when you really don’t, you allow people to behave as if belief in the supernatural is universal. As if it’s not just the norm, but the only belief that is or should be normal." KC
The subtitle of Kate's book is "Why I Stopped Pretending to Believe (And Maybe You Should Too)" Now I will be the first to admit, I don't like being "shoulded on". I don't think after reading the book, that I came away with the conclusion that Kate is "shoulding on" me to out myself as an atheist. She is so compassionate for those who don't have that easy of an option to do so. But maybe for some of us who are almost out of the nest and just need a little encouragement to be honest... I think I found that here. Maybe I found a little more self worth during this read. I discovered once again that there are many ways up the mountain of life, and believing it is okay. So thank you so much, Kate! I am so glad to add your voice to my ever growing collection of inspirational reads and hope one day when I look back, I will treasure the "Rocket Ride" that this book has sent me on.
"Of course, you can call yourself a humanist or an agnostic, you can call yourself lapsed or nonobserving or unaffiliated or “spiritual but not religious.” “Free thinker”—fine. But if you don’t believe that there is a supernatural being in charge of the universe, then I strongly recommend that you call yourself an atheist, both to defang the word and to clarify the point." KC
Check out Kate's interviews:
Seth Andrews: The Thinking Atheist
Hemant Mehta: The Friendly Atheist
Bart Campolo: Humanize me