"Of all the songs we sang when I was five, ten, fifteen, “Jesus Loves Me” is the one that has stuck with me. For a long time, its reasoning, so neatly encapsulated in the line “For the Bible tells me so,” worked for me. I accepted it with a childlike faith. How could it not be true? Why should it be more complicated? But as I got older, the Bible felt more and more like reading someone else’s mail—interesting, no doubt, but ultimately secondhand and indirect. The truth I had grown up with, the teaching that had been fed to me, it wasn’t necessarily that I thought it was false, but I longed to hear it for myself. I wanted to know faith for myself." JC
My favourite reads lately have been about journeys. I enjoy reading about someone else's journey, because my journey is so small and limited in the spectrum of all humanity. I have seen, heard, felt, smelled and tasted a lot of different things in life, but I have not done it all. So the only way I can expand my understanding it to go on a journey with some one else and see the world through their senses.
I discovered Jeff Chu on Jen Hatmaker's podcast "For the Love". His interview with her inspired me to read further about his journey. As is my habit, I downloaded his book and sat on it for a while. Some books I can dive into right away, but it seems that the ones that take time to start are the ones that become the most "thought provoking" and maybe even "life changing".
Jeff's story is all about his pilgrimage across America to discover some answers to his questions, one of which is the title of his book.
"Does Jesus really love me?"
"But pilgrimage isn’t necessarily just about getting to and from a famous shrine. The word can refer to any journey of spiritual significance. A pilgrimage can be any trip taken with the goal of getting to a transformative place, any trip that’s less about entertainment and more about enlightenment." JC
That has to be the best type of journey... more about enlightenment, and less about entertainment. Enlightenment has got a bad rap in the evangelical Christian world, but it simply means to cast light on something that was previously dark or shadowed. How much of what we have grown up learning was clouded in shadowed misunderstanding and ignorance. It is a journey I am on right now.
"So in that spirit, I decided to embark on a year of travel, by plane and bus and train and brain wave, asking the questions that have long frightened me. My hope was to find some answers at last. My plan was to crisscross America as well as the spectrum of American Christianity. My goal was to understand why those who call themselves followers of Christ start from the same point—a god-man who lived two thousand years ago and left behind a church with his name on it—but end up in such radically different places on the issue of God, the church, and homosexuality." JC
I have been asking myself the same question.
"I would take this trip with the curiosity of a journalist and the searching spirit of a simple pilgrim. I’m no theologian, no crusader, just a regular guy trying to hang on to something resembling the faith I grew up with, as irrational as that may be." JC
Already, just reading the introduction, I find a kindred spirit in Jeff Chu. He has been told all his life that "The Bible tells me so" and he came to a place in his journey where he needed more than just "The Bible tells me so" as a pat answer. God has to be bigger than the book. That is so where I am right now. The church culture and theology that I embraced for so many years tells me one thing... and NOW where I'm at, who I am and what I am discovering about myself is running on a much different track. I find myself trying to reconcile the two worlds with not much success.
"I doubt. A lot. And yet I can’t not believe in God." JC
I hear you Jeff...
"As I told friends and loved ones about my homosexuality, I was repeatedly told what I should believe and how I should live my life. On the conservative side, I got plenty of Bible verses, including those delightful ones from the Old Testament about gay “abomination”—complete with the “they must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads” part. On the liberal end, friends expressed not just occasional fury and disbelief but also head-shaking pity. I felt them judging me, too: What a shame that I insisted on trying to hang on to my archaic faith. How pathetic that I had so little self-worth that I insisted on maintaining relationships even with those who called me an “abomination.” Yet few people ever asked me what I wanted, what I was hoping for, why I was making the choices I was making." JC
There is a reason why Jeff's story and journey mean so much to me.
I grew up in the same culture as Jeff did. I was told the "Jesus loves me"... but I was led to believe there were some boundaries in what Jesus would tolerate in my life. My behaviour and my beliefs defined how much Jesus loved me. It wasn't about him, it was about me.
As long as "Homosexuality and LGBTQ" was an issue, it was easy for me to cast judgment along with the rest of my culture. But things changed for me when my rules of my religion conflicted with my love for the people I was in relationship with. People I loved, admired, became friends with and embraced as family... were gay... and I had to deal with the conflict in my mind, in my soul and in my heart.
It didn't take long for me to come to an understanding within me that I was wrong in my judgments. However, it would take a lot longer for me to have that conversation with others.
"In that season, I clung to God. He had to exist in my mind, because I had to believe that someone bigger and more powerful would someday make this all okay. But I didn’t push much deeper than that, either, not in earnest, until this journey. In the end, I flew more than twenty thousand miles and drove more than five thousand, visiting twenty-eight states and churches from more than a dozen denominations. I crashed on friends’ and strangers’ couches. I ate at church picnics. I was yelled at and hung up on and leered at and leaned on. I believed, and sometimes I didn’t. I was scared, and I was emboldened. I interviewed more than three hundred people, recording their stories and seeking to grasp what they believe about whom we love and who loves us." JC
Jeff's book is so much more than his story. His pilgrimage is about letting others tell their story. That was huge for me. In one book, I got to share in the stories of so many people and feel their pain, their judgement, their shame, their confusion and their search for love.
"What I found was a country that deeply wants to love, but is conflicted about how to do so. I encountered a church that’s far more divided than I imagined, led in large part by cowardly clergy who are called to be shepherds yet behave like sheep." JC
This book can enlighten anyone who is ready to focus on people more than on issues. Issues are divisive, political and impersonal. When your daughter comes to you and tells you she is gay... it becomes your choice to judge or to love. I will be the first to admit that loving is the harder choice. It is easy to judge and walk away. Loving and staying takes work and commitment to something greater than your principles and dogma.
"Does Jesus really love me?"
It is my hope that less people find themselves asking this question. If Jesus is who I hope he is... who I read about in the stories written two millennia ago... then NOBODY need tell us other wise (including me).
Thank you Jeff Chu for going on your journey and taking your readers along for the ride.
“The world assumes all Christians hate gay people. We have somehow sent this message to the world . . . because we have made it a dividing line of fellowship. Shame on us for sending that message! The followers of Christ must be a safe place for all who seek refuge here. The church ought to be the safest place there is.” ( Suzanne Casey - Chapter 4)