Peter Enns is one of my favourite authors, not just because of what he has to write, but why he writes. He talks about on one of his You tube videos that his journey of discovery and research is because of his questions and doubts. He has invested his career in mining through life's ultimate questions.
"I'm not like this because I have a PHD, I have a PHD because I'm like this. My curiosity is what drove me to seminary and graduate school, just trying to learn and understand." (Pete Enns)
When I look back at my reads that I have blogged about, they are like mile markers along my journey. As the journey progresses, the signposts change. They change colours, size and advise. I guess it depends on where I am on this journey, as to what markers I need.
These books are not the road, but guides alongside the road. If I were to equate my journey with a road, I say that it changes up on occasion. Some stretches have pavement, and some stretches are muddy dirt roads. Most of the way is a nice gravel stretch... not too unbearable, but not smooth sailing either. My journey is like that. As Peter Enns says...
" I just came to peace with the fact that I am who I am and I'm not broken ... I am who I am... I can't help it, and I have to believe that God's okay with it." (Pete Enns)
I have said on more than one occasion that I am broken... but maybe Pete Enns has a little more insight than I do. Maybe I'm not broken, maybe it's just a journey and an okay one at that.
I think I will continue to read books from authors like Pete Enns, who struggle like I do with "God" and faith and religion and believing and doubts. Those authors and those books make the best travelling companions.
I like thinking and processing at this juncture of my life. In Enneagram speak... I would say my 5 wing is very dominant right now. But I understand that all my thinking and processing isn't going to be the "be all and end all" on this journey. Maybe one day, I will be able to relax into some sort of faith like life, and if that is the case, I have something to look forward to. But for now... I will journey on.
"I don't trust my analytical side to make judgements of whether God's exists or not. But if God exists, that question's immediately beyond my pay grade. I can't analyze that..." (Pete Enns)
P.S. I still struggle with the lack of travellers within my eyesight on this road. I wish I had more people walking along side of me, instead of just miles ahead or miles behind. I feel alone and lonely a lot of the time. Just writing this post and understanding that no one will read it gives me that lonely feeling. I want to believe that I have something to contribute... that this journey is teaching me things I can pass along... to more than just cyber space.
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