The Gratitude Journey in "THANKS A THOUSAND" by A.J Jacobs

"In hopes of restoring my sanity in these troubling times, I recently undertook a quest: I pledged to thank every single person who had a role (however small) in making my morning cup of coffee possible. " (AJJ)

Okay... this book is actually a hard cover read that shares space on my office book shelf and no... it does not eat up data storage and megabytes on my iPhone.  I still have books that I can hold in my hand and every once in a while I might even pick up a read at the local Chapters/Indigo.  

This book caught my attention because of it's subtitle.  "A gratitude journey"  I was looking for a good gratitude read and I found one.  

"It's Tuesday morning, and I'm in the presence of one of the most mind-boggling accomplishments in human history... It is my morning cup of coffee."  (AJJ)

A.J Jacobs went on a journey... and I like reading about journeys.  Before we go any further... check out this Ted Talk link, and let A.J himself tell you about his gratitude journey.  

Gratitude is something I take for granted more than too often.  Saying thank-you can be so easy, yet I don't say it when I have a perfect opportunity.  A.J. Jacobs reminded me that there are thousands of people who work long and hard hours just so I can enjoy a simple thing... like a cup of coffee. Or in my case, it would be a large French Vanilla with a shot of expresso from Tim Hortons.  

"It's a challenge.  It's much easier to be grateful for a good thing (a raise at work, a delicious meal), than for the lack of a bad thing.  But both are important." (AJJ)

Let me try some gratitude.  I am thankful for Blogger for giving me an opportunity to blog about gratitude. I am thankful that I have fingers that can type my blog post.  I am thankful for my easy touch keyboard, so those fingers I have don't have to work so hard to type.  I am thankful for my typing classes (and the teachers that taught them) in Grade 10 and at Olds College, so drafting this blog post wouldn't take me all day to create.  I am thankful that I live in an age where keyboards and computers exist which allow me to share my writing inspirations.  I could go on... A.J talks about "the astounding interconnectedness" that happens when one starts being grateful.    

I am going to end this post with an interaction A.J. had with one of his "thankees"... Maybe it will encourage me again to express my gratitude to even the guys who builds pallets.  

I wrote down the name of one of the pallets I spotted at the warehouse.  It was made by a small New Jersey-based company called Jiminez Pallets.  I dial the number. 
"Is Rafael Jiminez there?" I ask
"Yes, that's me." He has a thick Latino accent.
"Oh, great.  I want to thank you." 
"For what?"
"I'm a writer, and I'm thanking everyone who helped make my cup of coffee a reality.  And your pallets carried my coffee.  So thank you." 
"No problem." he says.
His tone is flat.  I wonder if I'm being helpful or just intrusive.  
"Can I ask you something for real?  Do you appreciate getting thanked, or is it a waste of your time in the middle of your workday?" I say.  
Suddenly Rafael warms up. "You never ever waste my time."
"Oh, that's good to hear." 
"You are a very wonderful person.  I really appreciate you taking time to reach out and thank me." (AJJ and the pallet builder) 

Confession time with "THE HOPEFUL AGNOSTIC" by Donald E. Smith

"This book is the story of MY journey, of MY quest. I know that it will not, in any way, match or be a model for yours. If you find something of value in reading this book, I will be happy." DES

Is Easter Sunday a good day to admit something?  The only reason I found this book, was because I was googling "the hopeful agnostic" to see if it was used already.  That's right.  Welcome to my new label.  

I may have said a few times, that I don't like labels.  Labels are usually affixed by other people onto your own forehead.  But this time... I think I may have found a label that just might identify the current journey I am on.  

"I guess that it’s about time. I really need to decide what I am and what I think about God, religion, the after-life and where I fit into the grand scheme of things." DES

There was something very different about how I read this book. Because there was so much that resonated with me, I decided to add my own notes to the book.  I do most of my reading through Ibooks, so it gives me a chance to add notes to highlighted portions of the text.  It was my way of connecting with what Smith was writing and what I identified with.  

"Too many people , I think, just follow their family into the family church without thought or study." DES

My comments: For the most part that was me.  And what study I did do was not questioned.  I don't remember ever being invited to question the bible... until recently.  

"I find it difficult to believe that there is a heaven. I find it difficult to believe that there is an after-life where I will see, once again, my deceased family and friends." DES

My comment:  Heaven is not real to me. Earth is real.  I don't even have much hope for eternity, or at least the eternity preached at most pulpits.  

I talked to my dead loved ones as a way to grieve, but that doesn't mean I believe now that they were listening, it just means that I wanted to believe it in that moment.  And I pretended for the most part. 

"Why must I make it so difficult?  Why are there so many 'Whys?' " DES

My comment:  Because I want to be authentic.

I have to admit, doing this blog post and being upfront about this "hopeful agnostic" label, scares the "*&%$#*" out of me.  To be honest, I don't know how to have this conversation on the phone or in person with too many people.  Maybe I fear it will lead to a debate that I won't be able to defend.  Maybe I fear that I will walk away with one less friend.  Maybe I fear that I will scare myself back into a faith that isn't even inviting be back right now.  

 * * * 

I just took a moment to go to my front door window and catch the Easter sunrise.  I don't know what makes today's sunrise any more special than other days.  Maybe it is me trying to hang on to the remnants of a past significance of what today means to people who still have faith.  I don't know.  I don't know a lot things.  "I don't know"... the three words that seem to have become a creed for agnostics around the world.  It seems like we are lacking something.  Some sort of conviction to choose a side and stay there... or as Donald E. Smith says...

"I am a fence-sitter who can’t decide in who or what he believes. Fence-sitting is uncomfortable. It hurts. It makes me wishy-washy. As the Bible implies, it’s not good to be lukewarm. Tepid, that’s me." DES

So thank you, Donald E. Smith from Ohio... for pulling the truth out of the recesses of my troubled mind and giving me the courage to confess.  I am sorry that this has turned out to be more of a personal vomit session than a book report.  

I just got a text from my Mom:  

"Easter blessings.  He is risen"  (with a yellow heart emoji)  

I am happy for her.  She has faith.  I hope that my journey has had minimal damage to that faith.  This must be hard on her.  My journey has been hard on her... but she loves harder.  She listens to me when I tell her of my struggles.  I am sure she prays for me every day.  Jesus is real to her.  I am glad for that.  

"So, go say to those whom you love, “I love you.” So, go tell those whom you’ve harmed, “I’m sorry.” So, go do the things you’ve dreamt of doing and, if it doesn’t harm others, do them with no regrets or remorse." DES

Before I finish this post... I need to say a few things that impress me about Donald E.  Smith. 
*  He wrote this book in his early 80's (not his first or his last)
*  He is also a poet
*  He has been to as many countries in the world as I have had years on this planet. (52)
*  He was a high school principal (boy I have a lot of respect for that profession)
* He has been married over six times as long as I have. 

* * * 

What I like most about the "hopeful agnostic" label isn't the noun at the end, but the adjective.  Hope.  I keep telling people that Hope is the the lifeline I am so desperately hanging onto right now... and that seems to be the best thing I have in common with Dr. Donald E. Smith (PHD) 


"Am I still a child looking in wonderment at all of life’s mysteries? I hope so. I hope that I will never cease to wonder, to search and to hope." DES

"GOD CAN'T" - The book that messed me up and freed me up by Thomas Jay Oord.

 "The Las Vegas Strip was packed and buzzing. Nearly 20,000 people milled about the Route 91 Harvest Festival that October night, singing with country music star Jason Aldean, the festival’s final performer.    High above the crowd, a 64-year-old former auditor, Stephen Paddock, looked down from the Mandalay Bay Hotel. He visited Vegas often, living eighty miles northeast of the city, and casino hosts knew him by name. Placing “Do Not Disturb” signs on adjacent rooms, the ex-auditor moved to the windows of the hotel’s thirty-second floor, smashed them with a hammer, and began spraying bullets into the crowd below.In the next ten minutes, Paddock pulled the triggers of twenty guns and fired at least 1,100 rounds. Fifty-eight people died; 851 were injured. Thousands of survivors are still traumatized long after the deadliest mass shooting by an individual in the United States.

     Many asked questions in the aftermath. Where was God? Why didn’t God stop the shooting? And does it make sense to believe God cares for everyone?

      Many people think God had the power to prevent the Las Vegas shooting, its deaths, injuries, and resulting trauma. They think God could have warned officials, temporarily paralyzed the gunman, jammed the rifles, or redirected every bullet flying 400 yards. They assume God has the ability to do just about anything.

      After the shooting, some “explained” why God failed to stop the tragedy. “There’s a higher purpose in this,” they said. Others appealed to mystery: “We just can’t understand God’s ways.”

      The president of the Southern Baptist Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission, Russell Moore, captured the thoughts of many. “We do not know why God does not intervene and stop some tragedies when he does stop others,” said Moore. “What we do know, though, is that God stands against evil and violence. We know that God is present for those who are hurting.”

      Really?

     If God stands against evil and violence, why doesn’t God stop them? Does God’s desire to be “present for those who are hurting” trump God’s desire to protect? Does God allow death and injury because He’s needy, desperate for attention, or wanting to feel useful?

      Where is God in the midst of tragedy, abuse, and other evil?   "  TJO 

And to get the answer to that question... you need to read the book.  I guess coming across a book entitled "God Can't" will mess anyone up just trying to process those two words.  I know it did for me... but those two words invited me on a journey that I am glad I went on.  

"Personal tragedy and unnecessary suffering prompt us to seek beliefs more helpful than the ones we’ve been handed." TJO

I don't want this blog post to be a rehash of all the unhelpful theology I was taught in the past when it came to dealing with the ugliness of this world.  But Oord was right... it was tragedy that sent me looking for better answers than the ones I was given.  

It was the evening of the day that my nephew died.  Family and a few friends had gathered at the farm.  It was inevitable in the aftermath of such a tragedy, that some of those questions would surface.  I heard them that night.  The "Why's" and then the supposed justifications for the event.  No one actually admitted that night that the only justification for the event was the actions of the humans involved in the story.  Somehow, God had to be involved.  Even if the words weren't being spoken, they most likely were being thought.  It was the culture we all grew up in.  God was somehow responsible for what happened.  We had to hold him accountable for our pain and loss.  Because we all believed that "God can!" 

"In light of suffering, we ask challenging questions and seek believable answers. We want to make sense of evil, love, freedom, pain, randomness, healing ... and God.

We want to understand." TJO

It has been three years since the accident that took the life of one of the most precious people of my life.  The pain has dulled, the fog has cleared and there is an aching reminder of that day that resides in my memory.  My faith was shattered and is still not rebuilt in the way it used to be.  

"You and I aren’t the first to ask these questions. But the answers you’ll get in this book are different from what you’ve heard. It’s a safe bet, in fact, this book’s ideas will change you. You’ll think differently." TJO

And they did.  I don't want to share too much of those "answers" here.  This is a book of self-discovery.  It was a journey to help me through a painful time in my life.  It may have not given me all the answers I had hoped for, but it helped me to ask different questions, and that was the freeing process for me.  

If "God Can't":  if that much is true... then maybe the way to a relationship with the Creator or at least, a better understanding of the Creator, is to ditch the false expectations and illusions I have.  This book was a good start for that journey.  

"I wrote this book for you.

Our stories — yours and mine — matter. They portray the reality of our lived experience. We must face reality with clear-eyed honesty if we want to heal, love, and believe. Being honest about the past can open us to a better future." TJO

"CHOOSING TO SEE" says it all.. by MaryBeth Chapman

"He leaves little bits of evidence all along the way – bread crumbs of grace – that can give me what I need to take the next step. But I can only find them if I choose to SEE." MBC

As I peruse the covers of some of the books I have read in the last few years, I see a common theme.  I am "Choosing to SEE" through the eyes of people, of authors that I have little in common with.  I enjoy books that help me navigate the path I am on, and read a lot of those books that help me make sense of the things I am thinking and the journey I am on.  Then comes along a book that sends me off on a different trajectory.  One where I am not looking to be understood by the author, but one where I get the opportunity to understand a different perspective and see life from someone else's eyes.  

"Choosing to SEE"  is one of those books.  

I've told my kids for years that God doesn't make mistakes," writes Mary Beth Chapman, wife of Grammy award winning recording artist Steven Curtis Chapman. "Would I believe it now, when my whole world as I knew it came to an end?"

Covering her courtship and marriage to Steven Curtis Chapman, struggles for emotional balance, and living with grief, Mary Beth's story is our story--wondering where God is when the worst happens. In Choosing to SEE, she shows how she wrestles with God even as she has allowed him to write her story--both during times of happiness and those of tragedy. Readers will hear firsthand about the loss of her daughter, the struggle to heal, and the unexpected path God has placed her on. Even as difficult as life can be, Mary Beth Chapman Chooses to SEE.

I picked up this book in the fall of 2017... the year my nephew died.   On first glance, it was a book I thought my sister "should" read.  After all, she was the one who lost her son, not me.  What was I going to get out of a book written by a woman who was everything I am not... especially the one thing that I struggled to understand the most,  but couldn't... being a mother.

I decided to read it anyway, and not give it to my sister.  I needed to trust that if this book would help her on her journey, then it would find its way to her, like it had found its way to me.  

"As I’ve said, Maria loved food, and she loved Barbara’s yeast rolls and homemade butter. She’d spread a thick layer of butter on a roll and then lick it off . . . then she’d spread more butter on the roll and lick that off . . . then she’d stick her finger in the pats of butter and lick that off. We’d always tell her to stop eating all that butter. It wasn’t good for her.

But now, as he looked at the rolls, Steven started to sob. “Why didn’t I just let her have all the butter she wanted?” he cried.

We both knew the answer to that. He was simply trying to parent her well. But the pain was so strange, so huge, set off by a thousand ordinary memories every time we turned around.

And we had only just begun our long, painful journey of grief." MBC

The story is tragic and heart wrenching.  Well known family in the world of "Contemporary Christian Music", The Chapmans find themselves in the middle of the worst tragedy of their life.  Their seventeen year old son, returning home from school, pulls the car in to the driveway, but didn't see his little sister that had run up to greet him...

"I realized I was hearing odd sounds outside – not just the yelling of happy play but screams and commotion. I bolted into the kitchen to head outside just as Shaoey ran up the back steps and met me there.
“Mom!” she yelled. “Will’s hit Maria with the car!”
I flew outside. Will was near the garage, holding his little sister in his arms. There was a lot of blood, on both of them.
“Maria!” Will was crying. “Maria! Wake up!” " MBC

The Chapmans already had three children from birth, and chose to adopt three more beautiful children from China; their youngest was a girl that they named Maria.  She was five years old the day that she died. 

With my own tragedy still fresh, walking through the Chapman's story was like walking back in the tornado, but this time seeing what it was like to be there.  Reading the story, I started to feel what it must have been like to hear the screams, see the blood and feel the horror of the moment.  All things I didn't experience in my own loss.  

There were some things that felt similar between MaryBeth's story and my own. We both got asked the same question... 

"When people ask how we are doing, the first thing I always say is, “I want Maria back. I want my son Will Franklin not to have this as a chapter in his story. I want my children to be healthy, my family secure. I don’t really care whose life has been touched or changed because of our loss!”

That is the heart of a mother who lost a daughter and is determined not to lose another child. I believe God can handle my heart, my questions, and my anger. It’s okay to want Maria back. It’s okay to be angry. The question is, what do I do with it all? What do I do with God? In the midst of such heartbreak, do I really believe that all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose?" MBC

As much as we were different in our lives, stories and even our tragedies, I somehow found myself embraced by a woman who was asking the same question I was.  "What do I do with God?" 

Maybe that is why I picked up the book.  Because it was another pain filled voice that asked those heart wrenching questions that are so common during tragedy.  I don't think I was looking for MaryBeth to give me a way out of my horror story.  If I could change things for her, I would rather have been there on that lawn, and swooped that girl away from the path of the car, and saved them from the experience.  The world would not have this book, or the resulting songs that came from Steven Curtis Chapman out of his own grief.  I would not have their understanding or help... but I would gladly do without, it if I could give them back their daughter, Maria and take "this chapter" away from their son, Will.  

And yet she writes the very thing what I wish I could have spared her from. 

"Even in this free fall of pain, I’ve landed on a solid foundation and my faith has held . . . on most days. I have learned that God is good . . . always. Hope is real. I have found – even in the awful pain of tears and grief so intense you think it will kill you – that my family and I can do hard. We’ll never get over our loss, but we’re getting through it. And so I have prayed that our journey through the shadows of loss might be of some help to those who have experienced similar pain . . . that our stewardship of this story would comfort many." MBC

What LOVE really looks like! - "WE CARRY KEVAN" by Kevan Chandler

" 'Guys,'I said, 'I’m thinking of going to Europe.'

That’s how it started. That’s how the thought was finally voiced. There was now, in a sense, no turning back. Whether the dream came to fruition or not, it was no longer safely tucked away inside my imagination. The dream was out in the real world, and I was suddenly accountable to it. This was a threshold, a line drawn in the sands of life, and crossing it meant nothing would ever be the same again." KC

OKAY... I THOUGHT I KNEW WHAT LOVE LOOKED LIKE...

 AND THEN I READ KEVAN'S STORY.  

"Bolstered by the encouragement of Tyler and Drew, I sent a notice of intent to three friends: Andrew Peterson, Luke Thompson, and Tom Troyer.

To each of them I wrote the following: “I’ve always wanted to go to Europe, but it seems impossible with my wheelchair. So what if I had a team to take care of me and carry me where I can’t go on my own?” KC

Imagine someone confined to a wheelchair due to Spinal Muscular Atrophy, a rare neuromuscular disease. If it was me, I wouldn't have much of a dream of anything, let alone travelling across the planet without my wheelchair.  Something as debilitating as that would squelch anyone's dreams... but not Kevan Chandler.  Kevan had a dream and Kevan had more than a dream, Kevan had friends that loved him.  I have nothing other than the highest form of LOVE to describe what his friends did for him.  They had a backpack built and they carried Kevan to his dream.  The book "We Carry Kevan" is the story of their first trip to Europe.  But this dynamic team of explorers didn't stop with Europe, they went on to have an adventure in China.   Check out Kevan's Youtube channel for video footage of that trip.  

The Love that Kevan's friends had for him to carry him around the world was enough to impress me, but what really blew me away was Kevan's character.  Who he is, is someone those guys want to be around.  Who he is, is a friend.  He was never a burden, but a blessing.  That was obvious in the story and in the testimonies of his travelling companions.  

"Kevan is an example of appreciation and gratitude for life, and throughout our trip and my friendship with him, I saw that infectious spark travel to those he came in contact with." Phillip

"Love, indeed. Love gets us into all kinds of trouble...

On a more serious note: I’m a terribly selfish person, and I know it has been with Kevan that I can remember the first moment of truly forgetting myself and thinking about someone else—if only for a few seconds at a time." Tom

"I thought Kevan was just inviting me along to catch up and meet his friends. What he actually invited me into was a gift so powerful, and so gentle—that of truly grasping what it is to love one another, and the unexpected life and exuberance it creates." Lauren

"Despite this, I probably wouldn’t have joined the group in their dancing, but having Kevan on my back helped me to let my guard down. Without knowing it, he pushed me to connect with others in ways that I would not have otherwise done." Phillip

Who is this man who is so confident in who he is that he would dare invite four friends to carry him around the world.  It seems he was always confident, it is who he was and is.  This testimony is from his parents... 

"Raising Kevan was always an adventure where we felt he was carrying us along for the ride. We remember the many things he wanted to do growing up and how our family worked together to creatively help make things happen.

One of the first outstanding characteristics we noticed about Kevan from an early age was his magnetic personality, and how he was always surrounded by an amazing number of friends. So it really came as no big surprise to us that he would take off to explore the world like this with a great group of guys. In looking back, it’s what we raised him to do." Kevan's Mom and Dad

If you watch the Youtube videos of their trip to China, you will notice that this adventure went beyond a tourism, they discovered that a simple backpack could change a lot more lives than just Kevan's.  Isn't that the way LOVE works.  Once you see what it does when it touches your heart and life, it seems impossible to keep it to yourself.  

"Since returning from Europe, the team and I had gone headlong into developing a nonprofit ourselves. We called it We Carry Kevan, and our mission statement was (and still is), “Believing in the inherent value of every person, we mobilize individuals with disabilities by redefining accessibility as a cooperative effort.” To what capacity this meant at the time, we weren’t entirely sure, but for starters we knew it involved telling our story and getting our backpack into as many hands as possible. We wanted to provide opportunities for others to experience what we had, not just in travel but more so in the life-giving power of friendship." KC