"This book is the story of MY journey, of MY quest. I know that it will not, in any way, match or be a model for yours. If you find something of value in reading this book, I will be happy." DES
Is Easter Sunday a good day to admit something? The only reason I found this book, was because I was googling "the hopeful agnostic" to see if it was used already. That's right. Welcome to my new label.
I may have said a few times, that I don't like labels. Labels are usually affixed by other people onto your own forehead. But this time... I think I may have found a label that just might identify the current journey I am on.
"I guess that it’s about time. I really need to decide what I am and what I think about God, religion, the after-life and where I fit into the grand scheme of things." DES
There was something very different about how I read this book. Because there was so much that resonated with me, I decided to add my own notes to the book. I do most of my reading through Ibooks, so it gives me a chance to add notes to highlighted portions of the text. It was my way of connecting with what Smith was writing and what I identified with.
"Too many people , I think, just follow their family into the family church without thought or study." DES
My comments: For the most part that was me. And what study I did do was not questioned. I don't remember ever being invited to question the bible... until recently.
"I find it difficult to believe that there is a heaven. I find it difficult to believe that there is an after-life where I will see, once again, my deceased family and friends." DES
My comment: Heaven is not real to me. Earth is real. I don't even have much hope for eternity, or at least the eternity preached at most pulpits.
I talked to my dead loved ones as a way to grieve, but that doesn't mean I believe now that they were listening, it just means that I wanted to believe it in that moment. And I pretended for the most part.
"Why must I make it so difficult? Why are there so many 'Whys?' " DES
My comment: Because I want to be authentic.
I have to admit, doing this blog post and being upfront about this "hopeful agnostic" label, scares the "*&%$#*" out of me. To be honest, I don't know how to have this conversation on the phone or in person with too many people. Maybe I fear it will lead to a debate that I won't be able to defend. Maybe I fear that I will walk away with one less friend. Maybe I fear that I will scare myself back into a faith that isn't even inviting be back right now.
I just took a moment to go to my front door window and catch the Easter sunrise. I don't know what makes today's sunrise any more special than other days. Maybe it is me trying to hang on to the remnants of a past significance of what today means to people who still have faith. I don't know. I don't know a lot things. "I don't know"... the three words that seem to have become a creed for agnostics around the world. It seems like we are lacking something. Some sort of conviction to choose a side and stay there... or as Donald E. Smith says...
"I am a fence-sitter who can’t decide in who or what he believes. Fence-sitting is uncomfortable. It hurts. It makes me wishy-washy. As the Bible implies, it’s not good to be lukewarm. Tepid, that’s me." DES
So thank you, Donald E. Smith from Ohio... for pulling the truth out of the recesses of my troubled mind and giving me the courage to confess. I am sorry that this has turned out to be more of a personal vomit session than a book report.
I just got a text from my Mom:
"Easter blessings. He is risen" (with a yellow heart emoji)
I am happy for her. She has faith. I hope that my journey has had minimal damage to that faith. This must be hard on her. My journey has been hard on her... but she loves harder. She listens to me when I tell her of my struggles. I am sure she prays for me every day. Jesus is real to her. I am glad for that.
"So, go say to those whom you love, “I love you.” So, go tell those whom you’ve harmed, “I’m sorry.” So, go do the things you’ve dreamt of doing and, if it doesn’t harm others, do them with no regrets or remorse." DES
Before I finish this post... I need to say a few things that impress me about Donald E. Smith.
* He wrote this book in his early 80's (not his first or his last)
* He is also a poet
* He has been to as many countries in the world as I have had years on this planet. (52)
* He was a high school principal (boy I have a lot of respect for that profession)
* He has been married over six times as long as I have.
What I like most about the "hopeful agnostic" label isn't the noun at the end, but the adjective. Hope. I keep telling people that Hope is the the lifeline I am so desperately hanging onto right now... and that seems to be the best thing I have in common with Dr. Donald E. Smith (PHD)
"Am I still a child looking in wonderment at all of life’s mysteries? I hope so. I hope that I will never cease to wonder, to search and to hope." DES
There was something very different about how I read this book. Because there was so much that resonated with me, I decided to add my own notes to the book. I do most of my reading through Ibooks, so it gives me a chance to add notes to highlighted portions of the text. It was my way of connecting with what Smith was writing and what I identified with.
"Too many people , I think, just follow their family into the family church without thought or study." DES
My comments: For the most part that was me. And what study I did do was not questioned. I don't remember ever being invited to question the bible... until recently.
"I find it difficult to believe that there is a heaven. I find it difficult to believe that there is an after-life where I will see, once again, my deceased family and friends." DES
My comment: Heaven is not real to me. Earth is real. I don't even have much hope for eternity, or at least the eternity preached at most pulpits.
I talked to my dead loved ones as a way to grieve, but that doesn't mean I believe now that they were listening, it just means that I wanted to believe it in that moment. And I pretended for the most part.
"Why must I make it so difficult? Why are there so many 'Whys?' " DES
My comment: Because I want to be authentic.
I have to admit, doing this blog post and being upfront about this "hopeful agnostic" label, scares the "*&%$#*" out of me. To be honest, I don't know how to have this conversation on the phone or in person with too many people. Maybe I fear it will lead to a debate that I won't be able to defend. Maybe I fear that I will walk away with one less friend. Maybe I fear that I will scare myself back into a faith that isn't even inviting be back right now.
* * *
I just took a moment to go to my front door window and catch the Easter sunrise. I don't know what makes today's sunrise any more special than other days. Maybe it is me trying to hang on to the remnants of a past significance of what today means to people who still have faith. I don't know. I don't know a lot things. "I don't know"... the three words that seem to have become a creed for agnostics around the world. It seems like we are lacking something. Some sort of conviction to choose a side and stay there... or as Donald E. Smith says...
"I am a fence-sitter who can’t decide in who or what he believes. Fence-sitting is uncomfortable. It hurts. It makes me wishy-washy. As the Bible implies, it’s not good to be lukewarm. Tepid, that’s me." DES
So thank you, Donald E. Smith from Ohio... for pulling the truth out of the recesses of my troubled mind and giving me the courage to confess. I am sorry that this has turned out to be more of a personal vomit session than a book report.
I just got a text from my Mom:
"Easter blessings. He is risen" (with a yellow heart emoji)
I am happy for her. She has faith. I hope that my journey has had minimal damage to that faith. This must be hard on her. My journey has been hard on her... but she loves harder. She listens to me when I tell her of my struggles. I am sure she prays for me every day. Jesus is real to her. I am glad for that.
"So, go say to those whom you love, “I love you.” So, go tell those whom you’ve harmed, “I’m sorry.” So, go do the things you’ve dreamt of doing and, if it doesn’t harm others, do them with no regrets or remorse." DES
Before I finish this post... I need to say a few things that impress me about Donald E. Smith.
* He wrote this book in his early 80's (not his first or his last)
* He is also a poet
* He has been to as many countries in the world as I have had years on this planet. (52)
* He was a high school principal (boy I have a lot of respect for that profession)
* He has been married over six times as long as I have.
* * *
"Am I still a child looking in wonderment at all of life’s mysteries? I hope so. I hope that I will never cease to wonder, to search and to hope." DES
1 comment:
An up-date to my status - my wife of 68 years, Joy, died after this book was written. I am, now, almost 90 years of age and living alone. I wrote one other book after the publication of "The Hopeful Agnostic." Its entitled "Thinking Sideways." Its a book of short stories.
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