Listening to the story "DECONVERTED" by Seth Andrews

 I don't do audio books as a general practice.  I don't like them for one big reason.  I can't highlight quotes as I go through the book.  I could harvest quotes but I would have to stop the recording, listen to the quote over and over again until I can manually write down the quote. I do that when I hear a good quote on Youtube... and it's somewhat painful.  

I first came across Seth Andrews book "Deconverted"  a while ago and wanted to download it into my Apple Books. The book version wasn't available... only the audio version.  I passed it by because, like I said... I don't do audio.  

I had taken a break from Deconversion stories because I had too much.  I plunged myself back into my puzzles and binge watched "Reba" and "Little House on the Prairie".  Maybe all the stories got too heavy for me.  I needed a reprieve.  Just recently,  I started listening to The Atheist Experience and The Line again.  I had shelved those as well, needing respite from the conflicts that those shows are so good at sharing.  I found the inspiration to listen to stories again.  So when this book came across my screen yesterday... I downloaded the audio version (still the only one available on my Apple Books).  I spent Sunday listening to the whole book.  

It is the first time a book drew laughter and heart wrenching tears in the same day.  I took no notes, I just listened to Seth's story.  There is no wonder that as Seth told me about his growing up years, that I started to resonate with the culture he talked about.  The music influences were the same; the timeline was similar; his world seemed to resonate with my world.  I just did a Google look up.  I'm fourteen days older than Seth.  

His story was different.  His family was different.  His American upbringing didn't really shadow my Northern Canadian childhood. However,  a lot of the emotion felt familiar.  

The tears came when Seth talked about Rich Mullens.  I had never heard the story of how Rich had died, so that was a revelation to me.  Had I heard the story over thirteen months ago, I don't know if the tears would have fallen as hard.  It was thirteen months yesterday since my sister died in a horrific motorcycle accident.  She was riding her bike on a Idaho mountain highway, and she drifted into the oncoming lane and was hit by a semi-truck head on.   When I heard the story from my brother-in-law for the first time (who was on his own bike ahead of her at the time), he looked at me and said. "That's a movie you don't want to see."   What I learned then was that the whole collision was recorded by the semi-truck's dash camera. 

For the next year,  I would replay that scene in my mind every time I saw the grill of a semi-truck on the highway.  It was a movie I didn't see in person, but one I created in my mind... over and over again.  So when I heard the story of Rick Mullens and his own impact with a truck... I felt that crash all over again.  When Seth shared about Rich Mullens ministry, I thought about my sister's ministry.  Rich was 41 when he died, my sister was 57.  Both died too young and the sadness of that for me had nothing to do with the "ministry".   

The big difference in our stories... Seth's and mine... I had already deconverted by the time of my sister's accident.  It wasn't the family accident that was transformational in my slide away from Christianity.    That honour belonged to my sister's 26 yr old first born son... six and half years earlier.  It was his tragic accident that derailed me (and that is a whole other story). 

I listened again to the "Awesome God" chapter this morning  ( Rich Mullen's story).  I cried again as I listened to the accident details.  There were no seatbelts.  The semi driver that my sister collided into wasn't wearing a seatbelt... and neither was my sister (motorbikes don't come equipped with those).  Rich's accident was in Illinois, my sister's collision was in Idaho.  Rich was a musician, my sister was a musician.  I wondered how many times my sister led her church in singing "Awesome God".  Did she know about Rich's last moments?  

This book contains more gold than just one chapter... so I will listen to it again... and this time... I'll take notes.  I really enjoyed the last chapter where Seth does a run down of the problem passages in the Bible.  Most of that isn't news for me.    It is great reference material.  Maybe I need to get my hands on a hard copy sometime.  I don't think I will need it anytime soon.  I can't see myself being in a space right now where I will need those kind of bullets.  But it's nice to know I have access to them.  

Thanks to Seth's deep dive into the Bible... I don't have to do that myself.  I think those days are over for me.  I don't need to go there anymore.  The Bible is one book that holds no more joy for me.  

Thank you Seth for your story and including quotes from people around the world... even my province of origin (B.C.) has a place in your book.  One quote stood out for me... 

"We can have different opinions, but we can't have different facts."  Benny from New York.  

I really liked Richard Dawkins intro.  I think he nailed it when he said... 

"His is a great escape story.  A light house beam for others."  RD

"Deconverted" is so worth listening too over and over again... and I hope one day... it will be a great read.  Thank you Seth.  

P.S.  I highlighted Seth Andrews in my Atheism for Lent journey this year.  Check that post out here. 

Retracing the stories of the Greek Gods in MYTHOS by Stephen Fry

“The shattered world was still smoking from the savagery of war. Zeus saw that it needed to heal, and he knew that his own generation, the Third Order of divine beings, must manage better than the first two had done. It was time for a new order, an order purged of the wasteful bloodlust and elemental brutality that had marked earlier times.

To the victors, the spoils. Like a chief executive who has just completed a hostile takeover, Zeus wanted the old management out and his people in. He allotted each of his siblings their own domain, their areas of divine responsibility. The President of the Immortals chose his cabinet.

For himself, he assumed overall command as supreme leader and emperor, lord of the firmament, master of weather and storms: King of the Gods, Sky Father, Cloud Gatherer. Thunder and lightning were his to command. The eagle and the oak were his emblems, symbols then as now of fierce grace and unopposable might. His word was law, his power formidably great. But he was not perfect. He was very, very far from being perfect.” SF 

It was during my grade five year that I was introduced to Greek Mythology.  I remember it sparked something in me that my own religious stories somehow didn't.  I was transported into the stories without needing to embrace them as reality.  They held a beauty all their own and I didn't have to prove or disprove them.  I could just embrace the story.  

My love for myths carried on into my teen years with a love for Hercules, both the animated version and Kevin Sorbo's recreation.  Again the stories came alive for me.  

Now in my fifties and decades removed from my youthful interest in Greek Mythology, I decided that I would go on a journey again through the lives of Zeus, Athena, Apollo, Hermes, Persephone,  Prometheum and a plethora of other deities and their offspring (both divine and human) all thanks to Stephen Fry.  

“You would think that Midas had learned his lesson by now. The lesson that repeats and repeats throughout the story of man. Don’t mess with the gods. Don’t trust the gods. Don’t anger the gods. Don’t barter with the gods. Don’t compete with the gods. Leave the gods well alone. Treat all blessings as a curse and all promises as a trap. Above all, never insult a god. Ever.” SF

What I like about Greek Myths is that they don't hide the stories behind religious dogma.  Maybe that is what happened thousands of years ago, but today, we can enjoy the myths for their story and leave it at that.  That is why they remain beautiful to me.  Stephen Fry does an amazing job of bringing all the stories into one novel so one can just ride along on the journey. 

I was first introduced to Stephen Fry when he guest starred on the TV show "Bones".  He played psychiatrist turned chef Dr. Gordan Wyatt. He has since become an intellectual inspiration for me as I have listened to his Youtube conversations with the likes of Laurence Krauss, Jordan Peterson and Richard Dawkins.  His amazing linguistic abilities makes any conversation with him far from dull.  

“Myths, however, are imaginative, symbolic constructs. No one believes that Hephaestus ever truly existed. He stands as a representation of the arts of metalwork, manufacture, and craftsmanship. That such a figuration is portrayed as swarthy, ugly, and hobbling tempts us to interpret and explain. Perhaps we noticed that real blacksmiths, while strong, are often dark, scarred, and so muscle-bound as to be bunched and alarming to look upon. Perhaps cultures required that the fit, tall, and whole always be taken into the ranks of fighting men and that, from the first, the halt, lame, and shorter male children might be trained in the forges and workshops rather than drilled for battle. Any god of blacksmiths that the collective culture imagined, therefore, would be likely to reflect the human archetype they already knew. Gods of this kind are created in our image, not the other way round." SF

This book is an amazing read for anyone who loves stories and can enjoy them for what they were always meant to be... stories.  Maybe one day, the stories I grew up with in Christianity will one day find their place along side the Greek stories that preceded them and most likely inspired them.  Maybe one day people can read the stories of Adam and Eve, Moses and David and even Jesus, not as a recital of history, but as stories or myths that can inspire us, teach us and help us be better humans... maybe even better humans that the ones that were written about thousands of years before us.  

“Myths, to put it simply and obviously, deal with gods and monsters that can’t be observed or pointed at. It may be that some members of the ancient Greek population believed in centaurs and water dragons, gods of the sea and goddesses of the hearth, but they would have had a hard time proving their existence and convincing others. Most of those who told and retold the myths would have been aware, I think, at some level of their consciousness, that they were telling fictional tales. They might have thought the world was once peopled with nymphs and monsters, but they could be fairly certain that such beings no longer existed.” SF

Changing my life with "THE CARNIVORE DIET" by Dr. Shawn Baker MD

“At this point, it should be clear that I believe nutrition plays a tremendous role in the development, prevention, and mitigation of darn near every common chronic disease. If nutrition affects disease, as I believe it does, then what happens when hundreds of thousands of people try to use a select nutritional scheme to fix a chronic issue. Well, certainly there will be a ton of noise created in the medical community, and there will be an endless supply of bias and plenty of confusing data. Sounds kind of like the system we have in place. Eventually, though, I believe that some signal will rise above the noise, and the cream will rise to the top. People will cast aside that which does not work and will replace it with that which does.” SB

When I changed this blog to highlight transformational reads, I was on a journey to better my spiritual and soulful health.  That journey has taken years to get to a place where I have found some comfort in who I am.  Now I find my interest in reading material has shifted away from deconstruction and deconversion subjects and stories.  Now I am reading about stuff I have put on the shelf for too long.  If the human being is made up of mind, body and soul... It's time that I focus a little more effort on the other two thirds of my identity.  This book is going to address the body third of my story.  

"People make many assumptions about nutrition that are more firmly rooted in belief than in sound evidence."  SB

After three years of a much lower carbohydrate intake, my husband and I have switched to eating animal based products as the main stay of our food intake.  We have become carnivores.  I'm not a big fan of the word "diet", as more often than not, it indicates a temporary change in behaviour.  My husband and I are trying to affect life change with our eating habits.  I'm not interested in dieting as much as I am interested in spending the rest of my days on this planet with less physical pain and more mental awareness.  For us, Carnivore is helping us towards that goal. 

“Remember, protein is used to build our bones, internal organs, muscles, and skin. If those tissues are depleted, plenty of food is necessary to bring them back to normal function. Also, remember that weight loss is not the short-term goal of the carnivore diet; instead, get healthy and stop with the constant anxiety created by day-to-day fluctuations in weight. Just relax and enjoy the freedom of eating."  SB (I added the emphasis!) 

I am almost three months in to "The Carnivore Diet".  It's an adjustment period to what works for me and learning how to listen to my body.  I am grateful to have a husband who loves to make amazing meat either on the BBQ or in our cast iron fry pan.  We have found great meat sources in the way of a local butcher shop and a local organic food store.  We even found a great source of good priced meat from my alma mater, Olds College, in Olds, Alberta.  They host a great meat store supplied with cuts prepared by the Meat Processing students.  

So why meat?  Because it works better for us as an energy source than plants do.  

 

“Given the structure of our digestive systems, humans do have some small capacity to extract a minimal amount of calories from fibrous plants. However, relying on only plants to supply our nutritional needs would be a pretty poor strategy, particularly because our brains are such energy hogs.” SB

The human body is more adequately designed to process meat... where as it struggles to process plants.  Plants are by nature have evolved to resist being eaten.  They have developed defence strategies to make sure they survive as a species.   

“Plants get pissed off when we destroy those particular parts of their anatomy; therefore, they protect those areas with toxic and bitter-tasting chemicals. Indeed, the vast majority of plants are toxic for humans to eat. SB

This is my blog, so I will get somewhat graphic for a moment.  The first great change I noticed after I stopped consuming vegetables was that I was able to poop less often and without plugging up.  Meat and protein is used by my body.  There is much less going out the exit door now.  Ask yourself this... why does corn go out the back door like it came in the front door?  There are some things that the body just doesn't like to use.  Those things get a quick exit and sometimes painful exit.  

"We need fat, protein, and some vitamins and minerals.  We require no other nutrients to live or - I'll argue - to thrive.  We require zero carbohydrates, zero phytochemicals and zero fiber."  SB

There is controversy in this journey like most things I have embraced as of late.  Maybe it's all the money tied up in the sugar industry.  Money affects media, education and information.  It's hard to know what is genuine anymore when the almighty dollar has it's grubby little fingers in every aspect of our world.  The only way is to try something and find out if it works for you.  It may require going against the flow.  

“There are lots of questions and differing opinions about the carnivore diet. The upshot is that you need to do what works for you. For some, this diet will not be a good approach. Some people are so metabolically tied to carbohydrates that they don’t tolerate an abrupt transition, and ultimately it just might not be doable at all. If you have medical concerns or issues, involve your physician. Not all doctors will be supportive of this diet, although there are more and more doctors who are willing to empower their patients.” SB

Sean Baker is a Medical Doctor.  It's why his voice matters.  He's not the only medical doctor to support a low carbohydrate lifestyle.  This may seem like a new idea for most people, but humans have been eating like this since we dwelt in caves.  I am okay with this not being for everyone.  But it is working for my husband and I, so we are committed to continuing and seeing how our lives can enriched by eating what our bodies most desire.  And that for us is found on "The Carnivore Diet" 

I don't miss the carbs.  I don't have cravings anymore. I have discovered satisfaction after eating a good ribeye that my husband so lovingly cooks for me.  I'm not constantly thinking about food.  I still have some issues that need addressing, but I am only a rookie.  But I am thankful for all the help that Dr. Shawn Baker has given in this book.  I'd recommend it for anyone who wants to have a body that will work for them to its maximum potential.  I am glad my husband and I spend three years on low carbohydrate intake before going to carnivore,  but everyone is different.  I wish I had known about this decades ago, but I'm glad I found it now.   

“THE BEGINNER PHASE

How long does the beginner phase last? It can vary, but here are some signs that identify you as an experienced carnivore rather than a beginner:

• Food no longer rules you, and you no longer see food as a form of entertainment. Instead, it’s a deeply satisfying form of nutrition.

• You have no problem passing up a food that was previously one of your favorites.

• You can go out socially and not cave to pressure to eat something just to satisfy someone else.

• Nothing other than meat seems like food.

For some people, these signs are evident within a few months. Other people need years to reach all these milestones.” SB

Here are some links on Youtube if you are interested in checking out what Carnivore can offer you. 

Dr. Shawn Baker's Youtube Channel

Dr. Ken Berry's Youtube Channel. 

Steak and Butter Gal Youtube Channel

Finding Courage for Atheists in "WE OF LITTLE FAITH" by Kate Cohen

"When it hit me that I was responsible for teaching my children everything, I knew in that moment that I must do something about this. And for me, “this” was the mindless transmission of information that I actually believed to be false, and “something” was telling the truth⁠—to myself, to my kids, and, finally, to others." KC

Before I start into my breakdown of why I found this book so amazing, I want to admit to myself and whoever reads this blogpost that I currently identify as an Agnostic Atheist.  I go into further detail about that label in a recent post in my blog "My Agnostic Closet" entitled "101223 "Agnostic Atheist" A label that works for me"

I wrote that post during my read of this book.  Because of a challenge that Kate put forward to her readers in her chapter "Why I don't call myself an Agnostic."  I explain in that post why I still use the label Agnostic, and even after my read of Kate's book, the label will stay, but maybe I can have more courage with the Atheist part of the identifier. 

"Most of us have grown up with this reflexive deference to religion, and many of us continue to act on it even if we don’t ourselves believe in God. I still sometimes have to remind myself that it’s okay not to tiptoe around religion as if it were a soufflé that could collapse and then the dinner party will be ruined." KC

I wish I could go forward in my life and my relationships without feeling like I am tiptoeing around other people's faith expressions and religious practices.  I am not silent and I don't feel like I am pretending, but I do avoid the whole story with some friends and family.  (I may be out on my blogs... but most of my people don't come down this on-line rabbit trail with me.) 

"I am not willing to say “that’s just my opinion” about whether something is fact or fiction, right or wrong. All beliefs⁠—mine, theirs, Mike Pence’s⁠—are not equal. Many are wrong. Some are harmlessly wrong (I’ll go to heaven after I die), and some are harmfully wrong (gay people will go to hell after they die)." KC

I totally understand this, but I still struggle around the dividing line between what is harmlessly wrong and harmfully wrong.  Some things are obvious, but not all things are in my world. I know how to play the role of martyr in my circles; and I don't know how long that will work for me.  Just being painfully honest.  

And how harmless is the belief "I'll go to heaven after I die" when you get to spend eternity without your child that doesn't believe.  My sister Jennifer died this summer, and I can surmise that my mother heard a lot of comments from others, something like this. 

"Won't it be wonderful to see Jennifer in Heaven one day?' 

What goes through my mother's mind when she hears that now?  

"Yes, but what about Ruby?"  

There is nothing harmless about that.  

"Would I want to believe she still existed somewhere if she didn’t anymore? I guess, if I really thought I would see her again, I would. But mostly I would want her back. Want her back. Want her back. I would never not want her back, never not want to go back to the day before I lost her. I would only, maybe, years later, learn not to think about it as much." KC

That is right Kate, I want my sister back... here on Planet Earth.  Not in some cosmic utopia.  I need her here.  But my wants and needs aren't going to make that a reality, either here now or after I'm dead.  

"We want to love, to be loved, and to deserve love. For atheists, and even for believers, it hardly matters whether God is good or wants us to be good. What matters is that we know what’s bad⁠—inside, we know⁠—and we want to be good." KC

I have made myself clear for a while now that...

"Love Matters More". 

"Love is the energy that drives the universe." 

"Love drives out Fear."

I even can add that somewhere in that mix that Love helps us as humans find the line between good and bad.  Love is intrinsic in our nature.  At least that is my experience.  Something in my DNA needs me to support my people in order for me to keep existing well.  To jeopardize that doesn't make sense to me.  Thank you Kate for adding that.  Morals aren't found in the obedience of laws, they are in the core of a human to survive and thrive in this world.  Call it a basic survival strategy.  We need to be nice to people.  

"If you pretend to believe when you really don’t, you allow people to behave as if belief in the supernatural is universal. As if it’s not just the norm, but the only belief that is or should be normal." KC

The subtitle of Kate's book is "Why I Stopped Pretending to Believe (And Maybe You Should Too)"  Now I will be the first to admit, I don't like being "shoulded on".  I don't think after reading the book, that I came away with the conclusion that Kate is "shoulding on" me to out myself as an atheist.  She is so compassionate for those who don't have that easy of an option to do so.  But maybe for some of us who are almost out of the nest and just need a little encouragement to be honest... I think I found that here.  Maybe I found a little more self worth during this read.  I discovered once again that there are many ways up the mountain of life, and believing it is okay.  So thank you so much, Kate!  I am so glad to add your voice to my ever growing collection of inspirational reads and hope one day when I look back, I will treasure the "Rocket Ride" that this book has sent me on.  

"Of course, you can call yourself a humanist or an agnostic, you can call yourself lapsed or nonobserving or unaffiliated or “spiritual but not religious.” “Free thinker”⁠—fine. But if you don’t believe that there is a supernatural being in charge of the universe, then I strongly recommend that you call yourself an atheist, both to defang the word and to clarify the point." KC

Check out Kate's interviews: 

Seth Andrews: The Thinking Atheist

Hemant Mehta: The Friendly Atheist

Bart Campolo: Humanize me

What a way to end my book fast: "SURVIVING THE DEATH OF A SIBLING" BY T.J. Wray

"Often conscripted to the shadows in our time of sorrow, surviving siblings rarely feel they have the right to grieve beyond a few weeks. In a society that doesn't always encourage healthy mourning in general, we are indeed the forgotten bereaved." TJW

 My older sister Jennifer has kiboshed a lot of plans in my life... so why not this one.  I had every intention to not need reading for a year, and then she goes and dies on me.  

I found this book recommended on a Sibling Grief online support group I joined after Jennifer's accident.  How was I supposed to not take advantage of someone else's story?  That is what has been helping me on life's journey up until now.  

Each of us will react differently to the news of a brother's or a sister's death, and there's hardly a standard of behavior to which we must all subscribe. TJW

T.J mentioned that she had been looking for a book  when her brother died, and couldn't find one.  So she decided to write one herself, and invite other survivors of sibling loss to join her in her story.  This book is her story, mixed with other stories from people who have lost adult siblings.  

Feelings are not a choice; they are simply your own response to an event. TJW

Reading this book helped me to feel validated.  Hanging out with the stories of others who have lost siblings, gave me a community that was lacking for me.  I have had amazing support, but not the kind that I get in these stories and in the sibling support groups.

In dealing with the reactions of others, try, as much as you're able, to let people know what's helpful and what isn't. Avoid wasting your energy by becoming angry and bitter because you've been let down by people who claim to care. Just realize there are some people who will step up to the plate for you, and there are others who can't even enter the ballpark. TJW

This book was not only helpful as a guide with the loss of my sister, but there were so much great advice and wisdom for all areas of loss.  It would be a bummer if the only people who read this book are the survivors of sibling loss...because there is gold for every kind of loss within the pages.  

You are entitled to feel anger at the injustice of your brother's or sister's death, and feelings of anger connected to your sibling's death will probably surface every now and then for the rest of your life. My hope, however, is that you express your anger in healthy and appropriate ways that both validate your feelings and maintain your dignity. TJW

Anger has been my companion on this journey from the night I heard about her death.  

Most of us would like to believe that our siblings appear in our dreams by choice, to spend time with us or to deliver a special message. There is absolutely no reason to discount this possibility. No one, including the so-called experts, knows for certain just what, if anything, happens to us after we die. TJW

I liked the chapter on dreams, but not because of my sister.  The dreams have not come with her yet.  But I had significant dreams after my nephew died and it was refreshing to read her perspective on grief dreams and feel like those dreams were mine to embrace however I chose to embrace them. 

Many reasons for undeserved suffering have been put forth, such as the notion of suffering as a divine method of instruction—to teach us or others some valuable lesson—or the idea that our suffering is our just desserts, a punishment for some undefined human failing. But the bottom line is that none of these supposed reasons can be reconciled with the concept of an all-loving God. A God who loves us would not—could not—intentionally cause our suffering, for whatever divine reason. TJW

I think my favourite chapter was Chapter 9 on Faith, Religion and Spirituality.  It validated the biggest loss of my life and gave me space to understand a lot better my grief journey with my sister.  Maybe T.J. Wray still has some spirituality and faith, but she gave me space to navigate my loss without that being the forefront and foundation. 

 If you've had trouble with religion in the past, either with a particular church's teaching, an individual member of the clergy, or any other issue that caused you to part ways with a particular religion, then your brother's or sister's death may actually reopen old wounds. Quite often, for one reason or another, the religion in which we were raised seems inadequate or unacceptable as we grow into adulthood. TJW

My faith unraveled over years but came to a significant head last year when I "buried Jesus".  Losing Jennifer has inadvertently brought Jesus "back to life" in the words of others that can't understand how I can navigate my sister's death without a "living Jesus".  

And truth can be found not only in religion, but also in books, in our own experiences, and in stories and advice from others. Perhaps most important, the search for truth is essentially a search for meaning. Finding meaning in our loss enables us to incorporate it into our lives and to heal. TJW

I do want to extend my gratitude to T.J. Wray for sharing her story and so many others.  These words have been an oasis and comfort in a very messed up time.  I would recommend this book to anyone who has lost a sibling.. and even if you haven't but want to understand this kind of loss.  It's a great read.  And as I mentioned before... there are so much great wisdom in dealing with loss in general, that maybe it really doesn't matter what kind of loss you have experienced.  This book can help shed light on some very dark corners of grief.  

I've already mentioned that I'm not the same person I was before I lost my brother. I'm a little wiser, a little more compassionate, a little bit tougher. But I'm glad for these changes because they remind me of the journey that brought me to this place—this place of acceptance and, finally, peace. TJW

Banning books and a book fast?

 

The media has been fraught with stories of schools in the United States about the banning of books. I have not dived into the details as to why there is a medieval resurgence of purging certain reads from certain libraries.  I thought is was a given that the practice of banning books only serves to increase book sales and makes people want to read them more.  Some people making those decisions aren't doing their marketing research.  Book banning is the best marketing tool.  Look at Prince Harry's book "Spare".  It has become the biggest non-fiction best seller of all time.  The media has done so much to sour Prince Harry's story, but it sure helped his book sales. 

The very act of banning books communicates that books are transformative in the lives of children and adults.  What I don't understand is the mindset behind the action. It is 2023... why are people still trying to hide information from their children.  Most of the kids (and I'm not talking five year olds) have access to information that would make their parent's toenails curl.  Maybe the wisdom doesn't lie in restricting the information, maybe the wisdom lies in having conversations about what is out there.  Bring the books in the home and discuss them.  Ask your children what they think.  What a concept.  These are just my thoughts.  I'm not a parent.  I didn't have that journey.  But we live in very different times.  Controlling information is impossible now.  We need to have conversations and stay active in the lives of children.  Banning books isn't the answer.  Your children will find ways to read them and banning them makes the desire to read them even more powerful.  

* * *

I'm shifting gears.  Today I am starting a year long book fast.  I am doing a book ban in my own life.  Strange maybe after I just said that book bans only increase the desire to read... but maybe that is the very reason that I want to go on this book fast.  

Reading for me has been a lonely experience.  I have no one to share my amazing reads with, except this blog.  A computer program has become my best friend.  The people closest to me aren't interested in hearing about the books that have captivated my attention lately.  I want to  share my passions with my special people.  So when I find they aren't really interested in what I am passionate about... then it is time to find a passion that I can share with them.  I am not all that interested in lonely passions anymore.  

I love reading.  I have had so many great reads as you can see from this blog.  But my interest has waned as of late and I am wondering if the loneliness has taken over.  I start a book and know that if I finish it, the only one I can share it with is this blog and the four or five people that find their way here.  It worked for a while, but is is not sustaining me now.  

So I am laying down books for a year.  Maybe this time next year I might find a renewed passion and some reads that will draw me back into that space.  

Until then, I will keep puzzling.  I started a blog called "Puzzles with Stories" where I share some of my puzzles and the story behind them.  I still like stories and won't take a hiatus from finding great stories.  Puzzles have been offering me stories and I can share my love for puzzles with my people.  

I don't think my book fast will alienate me from my favourite authors.  Bart Ehrman and Pete Enns have great podcasts and I have been soaking so much more now in listening to people's voices.  

I will still continue to hang out with my "best friend" I call my blog.  I still get inspired to write poetry on occasion and I often share those on my poetry blog.  I often share Grief stories on my Grieving blog.  I have a week to go in my lent journey that I share in "Authentic Lent" , so I will never lack for writing and sharing space.  

I am hoping this journey finds me less lonely.  I can't say what books will mean for me in a years time.  Maybe this is just the start of something bigger than just a book fast.  I don't know.  Today, I get to say "until later".  But who knows how much later.  

Now at the end of this post, you might be waiting to hear me say "April Fools"... Sorry... not this morning.  I don't feel very foolish about this.  I only feel sadness and maybe hopeful.  

Maybe I will back here in a year... or maybe not.  Time will tell.  

Batter up! Here comes a "CURVE-BALL" by Peter Enns

Curve-ball subtitle: When Your Faith Takes Turns You Never Saw Coming (or, How I Stumbled and Tripped My Way to Finding a Bigger God

"I spent much of my life unknowingly abdicating the task of taking full responsibility for my faith. In my younger years, I largely accepted and absorbed the narrative of faith that had been written for me, thinking it to be my own." PE

Okay, confession time.  I'm a big Pete Enns fan.  But up until now, all the books I've read of his have been responsible for rearranging my cranium.  This book, isn't as much about the brain as it is about life.  Pete includes his story in his other books, but this one seems more from the heart of who his is, rather than from the brain of what he thinks.

"Rather than telling you how you should respond to your curveballs, I’d like to relate a bit of how I have responded to mine. I’ve had many experiences, utterly unscripted, that I could not ignore over the years and that have put me in a place to see God differently. I cannot tell you what steps you should take to move forward, but I would like to encourage you to become more aware of that inner voice telling you that adjustments are needed and not to feel broken or unfaithful about making those adjustments. I guarantee you are walking a common path." PE

One of my biggest struggles in my life journey has been feeling like my path in life matters and that I have the okay to walk it, just because it is my path.  I am grateful for every voice that adds to a kind of encouraged permission that I am okay. 

"Have you ever believed something to be absolutely true only to find that the truth is more complicated?" PE

I think it might be obvious from my other writings that I have a problem with the word truth.  I've admitted that that word holds a lot of baggage.  Thank you Pete for at least giving "truth" a deserving adjective like "complicated".  I don't think I could have found a better one. 

"The more flexible we are when it comes to reading the Bible, the more prepared we will be to adjust to the curveballs of life. The more inflexible we are, the less prepared we will be to make those adjustments precisely at the time when they will be needed to keep our faith alive and thriving." PE

My deconstruction and deconversion from Christianity is all about the curveballs.  Had I just been given pitches that send that ball right to my bat, I wouldn't be where I am now. 

I am thankful that I don't have to dance around the doctrines anymore for my own understanding, but that being said... I still face it in my family's expressions of belief and faith.  I wish I could easily dismiss it, but this week has proven that I can't.  

"And today, perhaps more than ever, all of us could use a vision of God that we cannot control and a faith that invites us to embrace the not-knowing that mystery demands. At least I know I do." PE

Pete doesn't have the same baggage about the word "God" that I do, but at least his picture isn't shrouded in a cover of Christianese.  He seems to understand Paul Tillich's picture "The Ground of Being".  So we are not far apart in the picture we have.  He is after all the author of "The Sin of Certainty" .

The death of stars is the foundation of biological life on our planet. Truly, “we are stardust, we are golden, we are billion-year-old carbon.” To be alive on Earth means something else had to die, and that which died was transformed into something new to make us us—and not just us, but every living thing. PE

I wish everyone could see the beauty in this idea... we are stardust.  I admire the stars.   I don't know much about them, but they inspire me.  They draw me into the unknown as a place of beauty and magnificence.  I don't need to know the details to be inspired by the poetry and wonder of it all.  Also.. it makes being fifty something not feel so old.  

"Evolution is incurably forward oriented. And this should bring us hope." PE

Thank you Pete Enns for more permission to embrace things like evolution, the Creator in my space and time, the unknown,  the wonder of it all.  It has helped me hit some of those curveballs that still come my way.  

"What if we are meant to live free from fear concerning God? There are plenty of other legitimate fears and sufferings we deal with in the course of our lives. What if God isn’t one of them? What if part of the gift of life, and of the advanced consciousness we have, is to become more and more aware of the Source of All Being, the divine Presence all around us, the Creator who is present in every atom and subatomic particle in all of creation?" PE 

The "SPARE" goes to War. by Prince Harry

He and I went round and round, and in my head I went back and forth, and by a process of elimination we landed on the Army. It made sense. It aligned with my desire to be outside the box, to disappear. The military would take me away from the prying eyes of the public and the press. But it also fitted with my hope of making a difference. PH

My first post on "Spare" didn't include my thoughts on the war stories that was a big part of the book.  I guess I didn't want to dive into my personal thoughts on that part of the journey through the book, because it was the hardest.  How do I sour my five star rating of the book by being honest about my feelings about war and some of the conclusions "Lieutenant Wales" came to. 

"You can’t kill people if you think of them as people. You can’t really harm people if you think of them as people. They were chess pieces removed from the board, Bads taken away before they could kill Goods. I’d been trained to “other-ize” them, trained well. On some level I recognized this learned detachment as problematic. But I also saw it as an unavoidable part of soldiering." PH

My hope when I pick up a memoir is to make every attempt at understanding the author. That is the reason I am reading the book.  I already said I need to lay aside all judgement and just let myself believe the author, because his story matters.  I want his story to matter, because then my story matters.  I can't pick and choose.  Either every story matters, or no story matters.  

War is a hard one for me to extend my compassion towards.  It is maybe the ugliest part of humanity.  In this soldier's own words, it is about the need to de-humanize the other.  I would do a great disservice to the book and it's author if I failed to mention a strong motivation for his choice to be a soldier. 

"I never forgot being in that TV room at Eton, the one with the blue doors, watching the Twin Towers melt as people leaped from the roofs and high windows. I never forgot the parents and spouses and children I met in New York, clutching photos of the moms and dads who’d been crushed or vaporized or burned alive. September 11 was vile, indelible, and all those responsible, along with their sympathizers and enablers, their allies and successors, were not just our enemies, but enemies of humanity." PH

"Enemies of humanity"... Again, a reminder that the targets were not human.  How can I separate the featherless bipeds dressed in the garb of the Taliban from the rest of the featherless bipeds we call humans?  If I do that, then all grace, compassion and love, for me,  is gone.  I have no other choice in my mind but to embrace everyone as human, even the ones capable of the worst ugliness the world has to offer.  

There is no conclusion for me here.  I want to see the humanity in every living soul, but maybe that is a foolish dream. 

 I honour and feel proud of my great uncle Don and his conscientious objection during WW2?  How then can I feel anything sympathetic to those who don't object, to those who chose to carry the guns?  I don't know.  Maybe all I can do is be sad for humanity that it requires this kind of behaviour.  

"Long after returning to base, I did a sort of mental scan. I’d been in combat before, I’d killed before, but this was my most direct contact with the enemy—ever. Other engagements felt more impersonal. This one was eyes on target, finger on trigger, fire away.

I asked myself how I felt.

Traumatized?

No.

Sad?

No.

Surprised?

No. Prepared in every way. Doing my job. What we’d trained for.

I asked myself if I was callous, perhaps desensitized. I asked myself if my non-reaction was connected to a long-standing ambivalence towards death.

I didn’t think so.

It was really just simple maths. These were bad people doing bad things to our guys. Doing bad things to the world."PH

Maybe my only recourse is to find compassion for those who believe there is no other recourse but to do what they do on a battlefield.  What it does allow me is the freedom to have compassion for other stories, like abortion, medical assistance in dying, refusing medical treatment and suicide.  Death is a part of all of our stories.  Maybe it's not that we die that hurts others as much as how and when we die.  There is no answer, easy or otherwise.  This is life and life ends in death.  Now I get to chose to lay aside the judgement and just hurt. That has to be the most human thing I can do.  

* * *  

Prince Harry walked behind the coffins of two women.  The second woman had lived a complete life, the first woman had not.  Maybe that is where my compassion starts.  

"When the funeral finally took place, Willy and I, barely exchanging a word, took our familiar places, set off on our familiar journey, behind yet another coffin draped in the Royal Standard, sitting atop another horse-pulled gun carriage. Same route, same sights—" PH

Every story matters... More than a "SPARE" by Prince Harry

"I looked up at the trees: You don’t know!

Harold…I honestly don’t.

I turned to Pa. He was gazing at me with an expression that said: Neither do I.

Wow, I thought. Maybe they really don’t.

Staggering. But maybe it was true.

And if they didn’t know why I’d left, maybe they just didn’t know me. At all.

And maybe they never really did.

And to be fair, maybe I didn’t either.

The thought made me feel colder, and terribly alone.

But it also fired me up. I thought: I have to tell them.

How can I tell them?

I can’t. It would take too long.

Besides, they’re clearly not in the right frame of mind to listen.

Not now, anyway. Not today.

And so:

Pa? Willy?

World?

Here you go."  PH

It can be a challenge, but when I read a memoir, I lay aside all conclusions and ideas about the surrounding facts of the story, and I chose to believe the author.  After all, it is their story, why not believe them?  I doubt that most who take on the challenge of a memoir would extend much effort into fictionalizing their own story.  I think it is the core of most humans to want to be known for who they really are.  Memoirs are a lot of work.  Writing is a lot of work.  It is easier to tell the truth.  

There may be a lot of squabble about this memoir, but I don't blame Prince Harry at all for putting his story out into the world.  He spent the majority of his years seeing others pass a less than accurate version of his story round the globe.  It's not that he is willingly choosing to betray his family; it seems the media has already done that.  So after the hell he experienced with the heartless media industry, he took his story back.  I can only commend him for doing that.  

"Being a Windsor meant working out which truths were timeless, and then banishing them from your mind. It meant absorbing the basic parameters of one’s identity, knowing by instinct who you were, which was forever a byproduct of who you weren’t." PH

As I read, I kept finding a kindred spirit in this second born son in the shadows of his family.  I found myself understanding the desire for identity.  Prince Harry's story is a magnified version, but still, I found myself feeling compassion for him.  I am a second born.  Identity is not easy to find when shadowed by the first.  

"My existence was just fun and games to these people. I wasn’t a human being to them. I wasn’t a fourteen-year-old boy hanging on by his fingernails. I was a cartoon character, a glove puppet to be manipulated and mocked for fun. So what if their fun made my already difficult days more difficult, made me a laughingstock before my schoolmates, not to mention the wider world? So what if they were torturing a child? All was justified because I was royal, and in their minds royal was synonymous with non-person. Centuries ago royal men and women were considered divine; now they were insects. What fun, to pluck their wings." PH

The most heart breaking part of reading this book, was the awareness of the cruelty of the media in Prince Harry's life.  I still can't comprehend the inhumane treatment that was displayed over and over again.  I remember vaguely when Diana died.  I don't remember where I was at that moment when I heard of her death, but I remember wondering at the senselessness of the accident.  Why the reckless driving?  Why the crazy pursuit of the paparazzi? Who was this woman that made other human beings act worse than rabid dogs?  I didn't understand then, and I don't understand now.  I don't understand the abuse of people just because they are celebrities.  Do these camera crazies  have nothing better to do with their lives?  Right now,  I am feeling very grateful for my insignificance. 

 "I wanted to hug her, though of course I didn’t. Out of the question. I never had done and couldn’t imagine any circumstance under which such an act might be sanctioned." PH

Another heart breaking realization for me was that there was a grandmother out there who didn't hug her grandchildren.  A grandmother that was loved by the world, but seemed to miss out of a simple act of love to the people closest to her.  As much as I have respect for who Queen Elizabeth II was and what she accomplished, I feel sorry for her that she missed out on her grandchildren's hugs.  Did any of them try to hug her and were discouraged?  Or were they just told that hugging the Queen was off limits, even if she was "Granny"?  Again... I am grateful for my insignificance and the insignificance of my family.  I was able to hug my grandparents and they were willing to hug me.  

"Why did they want to be famous? That was the thing I never understood. Because fame is the ultimate freedom? What a joke. Some kinds of fame provide extra freedom, maybe, I suppose, but royal fame was fancy captivity." PH

I wonder how many girls still grow up with the Disney fantasy that royalty is something to be desired.  Did Hollywood ever do us a favour by glamourizing that kind of fame?  I hope this story shines a better light on that illusion.  

"I'll forever support my Queen, my Commander in Chief, my Granny. Even after she’s gone. My problem has never been with the monarchy, nor the concept of monarchy. It’s been with the press and the sick relationship that’s evolved between it and the Palace. I love my Mother Country, and I love my family, and I always will. I just wish, at the second-darkest moment of my life, they’d both been there for me.

And I believe they’ll look back one day and wish they had too." PH

I am Canadian and I will still admit, I have a troubled relationship with the idea of the monarchy.  I don't totally understand the requirement for such an archaic institution in the twenty first century.  I am not a big fan of obligation, institutions, age old traditions, especially when they become more important than the people that are trying to keep them alive.  For me, people matter, not institutions.  But I am willing to put my wondering aside to embrace someone else's passion and story.  I commend Prince Harry for his loyalty to his extended family and country, but I am much more proud of him for his loyalty to his wife and children,  the truth, and his conscience.  

I usually say thank you to the authors when I do a blog post on the books they write.  But when there is no hope that the author will read my blog post, I wonder if I need to include my gratitude.  I am grateful for this read and will give it a five star rating.  If I could ever say a few words to the Duke of Sussex, it would be this.  

"I'm sorry for how the sick side of humanity has treated you. I wish you could have had a life like mine. Insignificance is much better on the human soul than fame, celebrity and royalty"  

"And to you, the reader: Thank you for wanting to know my story in my words. I am so grateful to be able to share it thus far." PH

Where Love meets Alzheimer's in "FEEDING MY MOTHER" by Jann Arden

 

Another year, another page.

a million moments melt away.

The ticking-tocking hands of time,

what’s found and lost, remains sublime.

The details that we hold so fast,

are nothing more than memories past.

For love is all that lingers true,

the bond that ties my heart to you.

—JANN ARDEN, DECEMBER 29, 2013

These days, I am doing more puzzling and less reading and writing.  There is one big reason for that.  The jigsaw puzzles that I have been doing are beautiful and lack a conflicting presence in my life.  Most of the books I've been reading in the last few years have been great for me, but are turning the rest of my world upside down.  I can share the pictures of my jigsaw puzzles with my family but sharing my literary discoveries.. well... that is a different story.  

"Gratitude is a way to belong to the universe, a way to attach yourself to everything that ever existed. When grace and thanks and mercy fill your days, you can survive all hardship. You can conquer any wrongs, and you can help others to do the same. Gratitude is my cape, my superhero “must-have” to get me through life. Gratitude helps me to understand my parents and my shortcomings and my failures and my triumphs.

It has changed who I am and how I react to things. Without this magical energy in my life, I feel lost. There have been times when I didn’t understand how much I took things for granted, and my whole being felt the effects of that negativity. I do not want to walk into the sunset anymore, I want to run into the sunrise. " JA

Jann Arden's book is a story I can talk about with my family.  My husband remembers running sound for Jann back in Calgary before "Insensitive" hit the airwaves.  But it wasn't her music that drew me to her story... it was her journey with her parents and their Dementia that had me downloading this book after I thought I had given up on reading.  

Mom started laughing when I asked her why she was saving all this crap. She said, “I just need it and I don’t know why. So there. You can burn it all when I die.” JA

I think what I loved most about the book were two things.  Jann's conversations with her mom and her wisdom that came out of those interactions.  From the looks of this last quote... it seems like we have very similar mothers.  

 Lift others up when you can, even if you don’t agree with what they have to say. Don’t always turn your words into weapons when you can just as easily make them doves.  JA

Jann's book is a perfect mix of wit and wisdom.  Those reads are hard to find.  I think I want to spend less time talking about what I got out of the book... and just share those wise words from Jann herself.  Because there were so many.  

It’s okay to feel sadness. I don’t mind it lingering there like smoke. It serves as a reminder that I am able to feel things and be present in my own life, a participant rather than an observer. Life isn’t a beer commercial. You can’t run down a sunlit beach every day. If you ask me, that would become tedious. Obstacles and challenges simply make you stronger and smarter and more authentic.

And my sadness is not depression. I’m not depressed, I’m sad. Two very different things. I know why I’m sad. It isn’t a mystery. I don’t want or need a pill or a drink or a salve or some sort of magic tonic to make it go away. I am quite happy to feel sad. JA

A woman after my own heart.  

What I’ve come to understand, through a great deal of my own anguish and heartache and sadness, is that memories DO NOT define our souls. Our souls—my mother’s soul, and all the souls who are bombarded with memory loss—are intact.

I’ve been trying, but I can’t begin to tell you what I have learned about myself and my mom during this unfortunate but, in its way, glorious journey. I knew my mom was strong and resilient but I had no idea how strong, how resilient. She said to me once, after one of my rants where I tried to be the memory police a few years ago, that a person didn’t have to remember everything in order to be happy. That, as you can imagine, kind of blew my mind for the following several weeks.

“You don’t have to remember everything to be happy.”  JA

I think the greatest lesson I learned from Jann's story is about the memory police.  Why do we have to be the memory police?    Do I really have to correct another person just because I think they have their facts wrong?  Alzheimer's intensifies fantasies, but fantasies are a part of every day life for most people.  And one person's fantasy is another person's reality.  So why do I need to infringe my reality into what I perceive as another person's fantasy, which they only see as their reality.  This has been a great lesson for me and one I hope I can implement in my own life more.  Thanks Jann!

We shouldn’t judge a human life by how it ends, and we so often do. How we die has nothing to do with how we lived. I think I’ve been confusing these two things. I’ve been making her whole life about these past few years and that’s not where the truth lies. JA

Oh boy... it just kept getting better and better.  

I believe with all my heart that love permeates Alzheimer’s. It gets through even though you think it’s not getting through. It’s like a shard of light that even a blind person can see. Love will surprise you at every turn. JA

My Oma forgot my name in the last couple years of her life, but she never forgot that she loved me.  Alzheimer's and Dementia take the brain, but they have no access to the love.  I have seen love and fear manifested in patients with Dementia... I wonder if it a choice.  If we can pour love into our lives and into the lives of others... that has to be the best way to navigate the Alzheimer's journey.  The memories will be lost... but we can do everything to see that the Love remains.  Because... Love drives out Fear!

Thank you Jann for sharing your story and being vulnerable in the process.  If this is the last book I ever read, it will be a crowning jewel in my library.  

And because I am posting this on the first Sunday of Advent... Jann's greeting seems an appropriate send off...

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HANUKKAH!

Whatever your beliefs be, I hope goodness is at the heart of them all. JA

My Unfinished Reads still matter

These days, I haven't spent much time reading.  Most of my hours are spent assembling jigsaw puzzles.  It is my new time consumer.  I started a new book today, hoping that this one will find completion and a place in my rocket reads.  I have amassed quite a few reads that haven't made it to completion. I can think of a few reasons I didn't cross the finish line with them.  

1. I lost interest with the content

2. I got the message in the first few chapters and the remaining content seemed to be redundant.

3. I felt guilty for investing time in the content. 

4. The read wasn't what I had anticipated. 

5. I found that the material was already covered in previous books.  

6. I started reading another book more captivating.

7. My short attention span wins out.  

8. My eyes got tired. 

9. My brain got tired. 

10. The finish line was just too far away. 

So many possibilities.  This morning I thought of going into my unfinished reads and pulling out some quotes to share.  Just because I didn't finish the book, doesn't mean some wisdom wasn't gleaned.  I must have found something worth sharing before I abandoned the book.    

Let's see what I can find... 

"The Knowledge Seeker" Blair Stonechild

"In the Indigenous world view, all Creation is sacred and spiritually alive. As one Elder described it, once a person set foot outside his lodge, the entire world was his church. Land is a living entity that must be treated with respect. Spirituality is to be practised daily rather than merely written about or practiced in a rigid institutional setting. 

Underlying all Aboriginal belief is a view of a world gifted by Manitow. Our purpose on earth is to develop an understanding of how to live in harmony with all of Creation."

"The Knowledge Seeker" is a book that originally enticed me because I wanted to learn more about the First Nations in Canada from a first person perspective.  I still do.  The whole perspective that the Earth is a sanctuary is attractive and inspiring to me.  I treasure the respect the Indigenous people have for all of nature.  

"The Anabaptist Story"  William R. Estep

"It was a foregone conclusion that if the Swiss Reformation were to continue within the context of a state church, Manz must go. The mandate demanding the death penalty for rebaptizing had been issued the previous March, but it had not as yet been enforced. The time had come for the crucial test, and the first victim was to be Felix Manz."

I was first drawn to learn more about the Anabaptists, because they are my ancestors and my heritage, and I am technically an Anabaptist.  I was baptized as a baby in a Lutheran church and then baptized as an adult in my thirties in a Pentecostal church.  Five hundred years earlier what I did could have cost me my life.  But instead, my Lutheran parents came and witnessed my baptism.   

Now... being agnostic, my baptisms are strictly cultural for me, but still hold a value because of what others went through a half a millennium ago.  I am the child of two religious cultures.  If I go back far enough... I can imagine one set of ancestors lighting the fires under the pyre of other set of ancestors.  We, as a human species, have come a long way, but we still have a long way to go. 

"A New Earth" Eckart Tolle

"How do you let go of attachment to things? Don’t even try. It’s impossible. Attachment to things drops away by itself when you no longer seek to find yourself in them. In the meantime, just be aware of your attachment to things. Sometimes you may not know that you are attached to something, which is to say, identified, until you lose it or there is the threat of loss. If you then become upset, anxious, and so on, it means you are attached. If you are aware that you are identified with a thing, the identification is no longer total. “I am the awareness that is aware that there is attachment.” That’s the beginning of the transformation of consciousness."

Maybe this book was one that gave me enough just in the first few chapters.  I did listen to some of Eckart Tolle's stuff on Youtube.  I just didn't finish the book.  But his understanding of self helped me in my journey.  

"Grounded" Diana Butler Bass

" “What did you do to try to shift their awareness from a vertical faith to a more horizontal one?” I queried the Kentucky pastor.

“We planted a garden,” he replied. “We grow food. Lots of food. For the local food bank. We’ve studied the soil and learned about global warming. We’re finding God in the garden. It isn’t quite as vertical as it used to be. Heaven is getting downright earthy.”

And that, of course, is another vision of heaven: a garden. Where dirt, water, and air all come together to feed us, to heal the earth, to produce the atmosphere we need to survive. Paradise, really. Here and now. "

What got me started with this book was the whole idea that the Earth is where our spiritual attention can rest... not some faraway cosmic galaxy religion has penned as "Heaven".  There is a connectedness we can have with the elements here...  sky, dirt, water... that connects us with Creator and the Universe.  We are home... right here, right now.

  

"The Superstition of all Ages" Jean Meslier

"Religion is handed down from fathers to children as the property of a family with the burdens. Very few people in the world would have a God if care had not been taken to give them one. Each one receives from his parents and his instructors the God which they themselves have received from theirs; only, according to his own temperament, each one arranges, modifies, and paints Him agreeably to his taste."

I discovered Jean Meslier when I was a part of the "Atheism for Lent" course with Peter Rollins.  I still like Meslier's rants.  He had the spirit of Christopher Hitchens long before Hitchens existed... but his rants were all done in the privacy of his closet.  He was a Catholic priest.  At first, his approach seemed like hypocrisy, but thinking about it for a while, I see it was survival.  He longed to be true to himself, but most likely his culture didn't allow him that authenticity.  This was 1664-1729.  Maybe I drifted away from the read because there was a lot of redundancy in his rants, and I felt I had enough. 

"Let's All Make the Day Count" Charlie Daniels

When you see a flight of geese overhead, if they are traveling for any extended distance, they will be flying in a V-formation. You’ll also notice a single goose in the lead and the others spread out in the V following the leader.

This is done for aerodynamics, similar to the way NASCAR racers draft off the car in front of them. The geese do much the same thing flying beak to tail, taking some of the air resistance off each other.

When the lead goose gets tired, he drops back. A fresh goose takes his place, and the flight goes on.

If one of the geese in the flight gets sick or, for whatever reason, has to go down to the ground, two other geese drop out of the formation. They go to the ground with the sick bird and stay until it gets better or dies. Pending the outcome, they return to the air and try to catch up with their flight.

If they are too far behind to catch up, they’ll join the formation of another flight and continue on.

Geese mate for life. Sensible bunch.

At this stage of my life, daily devotionals are not that much of a priority.  This seemed to be an exception at the time.  Charlie Daniels had some "rubber meets the road" wisdom in this book, and I found his perspective illuminating.  

* * * 

I guess I can't really officially recommend any of these books, as I didn't finish them.  But I learned something about me the day I created a file in my Ibooks that was marked "Reads I started but...". 

I found out that I could extend grace to myself.  

Maybe not all things need finishing in life.  Maybe it is okay in some things to just let go when all I am doing is pushing through because of obligation to a completion, instead of enjoying the journey.  Reading is like that.  Some books I finish and my blog is testament to my ability to finish.  I am the biggest proponent of doing more things out of passion and less out of obligation.  Reading is a passion and I don't want obligation to complete a book to be the only reason I am reading.  

Now... back to puzzling.