The "SPARE" goes to War. by Prince Harry

He and I went round and round, and in my head I went back and forth, and by a process of elimination we landed on the Army. It made sense. It aligned with my desire to be outside the box, to disappear. The military would take me away from the prying eyes of the public and the press. But it also fitted with my hope of making a difference. PH

My first post on "Spare" didn't include my thoughts on the war stories that was a big part of the book.  I guess I didn't want to dive into my personal thoughts on that part of the journey through the book, because it was the hardest.  How do I sour my five star rating of the book by being honest about my feelings about war and some of the conclusions "Lieutenant Wales" came to. 

"You can’t kill people if you think of them as people. You can’t really harm people if you think of them as people. They were chess pieces removed from the board, Bads taken away before they could kill Goods. I’d been trained to “other-ize” them, trained well. On some level I recognized this learned detachment as problematic. But I also saw it as an unavoidable part of soldiering." PH

My hope when I pick up a memoir is to make every attempt at understanding the author. That is the reason I am reading the book.  I already said I need to lay aside all judgement and just let myself believe the author, because his story matters.  I want his story to matter, because then my story matters.  I can't pick and choose.  Either every story matters, or no story matters.  

War is a hard one for me to extend my compassion towards.  It is maybe the ugliest part of humanity.  In this soldier's own words, it is about the need to de-humanize the other.  I would do a great disservice to the book and it's author if I failed to mention a strong motivation for his choice to be a soldier. 

"I never forgot being in that TV room at Eton, the one with the blue doors, watching the Twin Towers melt as people leaped from the roofs and high windows. I never forgot the parents and spouses and children I met in New York, clutching photos of the moms and dads who’d been crushed or vaporized or burned alive. September 11 was vile, indelible, and all those responsible, along with their sympathizers and enablers, their allies and successors, were not just our enemies, but enemies of humanity." PH

"Enemies of humanity"... Again, a reminder that the targets were not human.  How can I separate the featherless bipeds dressed in the garb of the Taliban from the rest of the featherless bipeds we call humans?  If I do that, then all grace, compassion and love, for me,  is gone.  I have no other choice in my mind but to embrace everyone as human, even the ones capable of the worst ugliness the world has to offer.  

There is no conclusion for me here.  I want to see the humanity in every living soul, but maybe that is a foolish dream. 

 I honour and feel proud of my great uncle Don and his conscientious objection during WW2?  How then can I feel anything sympathetic to those who don't object, to those who chose to carry the guns?  I don't know.  Maybe all I can do is be sad for humanity that it requires this kind of behaviour.  

"Long after returning to base, I did a sort of mental scan. I’d been in combat before, I’d killed before, but this was my most direct contact with the enemy—ever. Other engagements felt more impersonal. This one was eyes on target, finger on trigger, fire away.

I asked myself how I felt.

Traumatized?

No.

Sad?

No.

Surprised?

No. Prepared in every way. Doing my job. What we’d trained for.

I asked myself if I was callous, perhaps desensitized. I asked myself if my non-reaction was connected to a long-standing ambivalence towards death.

I didn’t think so.

It was really just simple maths. These were bad people doing bad things to our guys. Doing bad things to the world."PH

Maybe my only recourse is to find compassion for those who believe there is no other recourse but to do what they do on a battlefield.  What it does allow me is the freedom to have compassion for other stories, like abortion, medical assistance in dying, refusing medical treatment and suicide.  Death is a part of all of our stories.  Maybe it's not that we die that hurts others as much as how and when we die.  There is no answer, easy or otherwise.  This is life and life ends in death.  Now I get to chose to lay aside the judgement and just hurt. That has to be the most human thing I can do.  

* * *  

Prince Harry walked behind the coffins of two women.  The second woman had lived a complete life, the first woman had not.  Maybe that is where my compassion starts.  

"When the funeral finally took place, Willy and I, barely exchanging a word, took our familiar places, set off on our familiar journey, behind yet another coffin draped in the Royal Standard, sitting atop another horse-pulled gun carriage. Same route, same sights—" PH