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(Before you read any further... Please watch this video link. )
"My point of view was that there could always be healing, even if there isn’t always a cure. " NJ
How do I read this book now? That was my first question. Naomi Judd had just died at the end of April and I picked up her book at the beginning of May. "River of Time" is subtitled "My Descent into Depression and How I Emerged with Hope". This book was published in 2016 and in spring of 2022, she ended her life. She only emerged with hope for six more years?
"I felt such a deep shame about not being able to shake off this increasingly dark and immobilizing depression. The only thing sparing me from suicide was the effect it would have on those I loved, and all of the people who thought of me as a hope seller, but the odds were beginning to weigh against them." NJ
This book is dark, and yet this book is full of light. I guess it all depends on how you quantify dark and light. I see them in the same space, just different times of the day.
I value stories like Naomi's. I value real, raw and ridiculously vulnerable journeys. What courage it takes for someone with a high profile to put herself out there. Maybe the hope was found more in the presence at the bottom than in the climbing out. It takes hope to climb out.
Naomi includes a quote from her daughter Ashley who also struggled with depression... I like what Ashley said.
“I’m very happy to talk about it because, for me, when I talk about it, it helps me to reduce my own shame. I’ve been so blessed with finding a solution that how dare I not share that solution with others that face challenges? There’s still a lot of stigma and taboo around something that’s perceived as a mental illness.” AJ
This reminds me of something Brene Brown said about shame... I can't find the quote... but it was something about the need to tell your story is what gets rid of the shame attached to it. Secrets are fertilizer for shame... telling your story is the herbicide for shame. ( a little agricultural analogy from me...not Brene)
"Our pets can sense the energy depletion when you’re struggling with physical or emotional issues and they try with their natural empathy to help us heal ourselves." NJ
I totally agree, because we have two cats that know when my hubby and I are not at our optimum level of interaction. Maybe Naomi's dogs saved her life on countless occasions.
I almost always travel with my small dog, Bijou. My psychiatrist gave me a document stating that Bijou is necessary for my emotional wellbeing. She wears a little vest to identify her as a service dog. The emotional support and the comfort Bijou brings me is incalculable. My dogs are my best friends and they have carried me through my darkest days. NJ
This was a hard read. I felt like I was grieving her loss as I read through her words. I wanted the story to have a happy ending, but I knew the story would end in tears. So the goal of this read was not to get too depressed myself.
Radical acceptance is to know that painful things are still going to happen, but how we respond makes a difference. We don’t have to condone our current reality, but we have to accept it for what it is instead of staying stuck, wishing it were different. Pain will happen, but suffering is optional. NJ
Some good wisdom comes out of Naomi as she recollects her journey through the darkness. Maybe the wisdom is after she gets out of the hole. I don't feel very wise when I am in the pits, but when I get up a little more and can find a better view, I find wisdom waiting for me.
Life is short, but it’s wide.
There is no fairy-tale ending to this book, but you and I know there isn’t one in real life, either. NJ
This is the second author I have grieved while I read. Rachel Held Evans was the first. I want to emphasize that Naomi's death by no means invalidates her story. It is the end of her journey and what tragically happens to people who have mental illness. There is no judgement to be had. That is why I wanted you to see her daughters give her the most heart warming tribute at her memorial. That is why I want to end this post like I began it... with a song. Naomi is the writer of both songs... my favourite Judd song is what Wynonna had the whole Ryman singing at her Mama's send off.
One final word: Thank you Naomi for great music, a great heart and great courage. You gave me hope. Love Can Build a Bridge!!!!
"If I can bring any comfort or hope to you, too, that would give my writing this book the greatest meaning. I may still struggle, but I no longer suffer." NJ
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