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Monday, March 3, 2014

Losing my parent's religion: The inevitable train wreck


I don't believe too many children deliberately set out to sabotage their parents beliefs.  

Those train wrecks (from a head-on collision) are few and far between. 


 There are, however, derailments.  


***

 This is a crack in a train wheel.


This is a crack in a train track.


 Maybe they seem like nothing...
 but cracks like this that go unnoticed can result in--

Derailed train cars burn in Plaster Rock, N.B., on Wednesday, Jan.8, 2014. 
To read more:  
New Brunswick Train wreck
Get the picture.  The train wreck in my life wasn't a head on collision.  I wasn't going in the opposite direction as my parents. (I'm not that confrontational).   I was part of same train as my folks and my car slipped off the track due to a crack somewhere. From the visual analogy... if it was a head on collision there would have been much less collateral damage.  At least in a head-on, the train sees the oncoming traffic and makes an attempt to slow down.  With a derailment, the train is usually going it's normal speed.  


BOOM!!!  



 Here's a quote from my blog:


"I wonder just how someone can understand how painful this journey can be... unless they have walked that road themselves. And having walked that road, they can understand and can feel things like loneliness, doubt, guilt, shame, betrayal, condemnation, rejection, disappointment, confusion, regret, remorse, anger, judgement... from and towards themselves, others and even at times...  God."

We all start out in life as train cars that are being pulled along the track of life by the engine (our parents). As children we go along with what they tell us and what they teach us.  As we get closer to our teen and young adult years, some of us start to doubt.  We don't want to buy what our parents have been trying to sell us. When the train car isn't willing to follow the same rail as the engine, it goes off track.  And because it is still tied to the rest of the train, it will put the whole line off the track.  

This is the picture that is displayed over and over again in families around the world.  This is what Religion has done.  Religion is responsible for the train wrecks.  



***
I don't have an easy answer, solution or fix for this.  We are born in to families, raised with families and given what we are given by the ones that raise us... because that is what they have to give us.  It is part of the human experience.  So I don't think I can conclude this post with a "how-to" on preventing train wrecks in your family... but I might be able to give you something to help with the cleanup. 

This is for the children (younger or older) who feel like they are responsible for their family's train derailment. 

 Even if your family is Muslim, Mormon, Mennonite or Methodist... or in my case Lutheran... these cleanup tips will help. 


1. LOVE

LOVE is the best disaster relief available to the human heart.  Learn what real LOVE is. Ask your Creator to manifest His LOVE in you. Don't give up on LOVE.  It is the ultimate and it will get you through this... somehow.  


2. UNDERSTAND

Understand that the reason for the train wreck is because your parents love you.  If your parents didn't love you, they would have unhitched your car from the rest of the train when you derailed and kept going down the track without you.  The train derailed because they wanted you to remain attached to the family train.


3. FORGIVE

Forgiveness is very powerful.  Not easy, but powerful.  There is no real hope of healing the wounds inflicted in your family without it.  


4. FIND THE COMMON GROUND

This may not always be easy either.  I noticed once my family and I started losing the Lutheran connection, it took some time, but we started focusing on the Jesus connection.  We still have Jesus in common. Now... instead of a train moving so predictably down the track. Now we are more like sheep following our Shepherd.  Much less collateral damage that way. 




If you are a parent, and your child has chosen to "abandon" your religion.  The same four apply. 

Just try to understand that your children are trying to love you even if they don't agree with your convictions anymore.  


BUT...

If your religion, your doctrine, your stuff is more important than your children, then there will can no LOVE, UNDERSTANDING, FORGIVENESS OR COMMON GROUND.  



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