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Saturday, August 31, 2013

The truth about my current devotional life


My blog is entitled "Ruby gets Real"  I figure it is safe to be real about the present state of my devotional life or lack there of in my case.  When I created my new blog, I figured it would be a good place to work out my issues.  I am challenged in the area of being honest to most people about my authentic spiritual life.  Especially the people I use to share a pew with.

Thanks to Youtube, I found a perfect opener. 


I learned this song in Sunday School... like every kid learns... and at a young age.  The kids in this video probably haven't even learned to read yet.

1. I don't read the Bible every day


Tony's story

When I googled the above statement... I came across Tony's story.  I was looking for something to quantify what my own head and heart were trying to say.  Currently, I still find the admission difficult.  Like Tony, I understand the guilt.  I, too, grew up with those words preached at me...

"READ YOUR BIBLE EVERY DAY!"  

To not commit to daily readings is... like the children sang about... shrinking, or backsliding, or rebellion, or spiritually "starving".  

I used to believed all that stuff...  And I read the bible because I had to.


Now I don't want to read the bible "because I have to"... so some days, I don't read it.  Honestly... weeks and months go by and I still don't read.  As long as the driving force is obligation, I don't crack a page.  And believe it or not now... the guilt is gone.



2. I don't pray with my eyes closed, 
hands folded and my head bowed.  

I already admitted in a previous post that I don't usually pray before I eat.  I grew up in a liturgical environment, where prayer was something recited... three times a day and on Sundays in church.  I remember there was more of that witnessed and experienced than the one-on-one natural God conversing... so my view of prayer became twisted at a young age.  We never learned the discipline of kneeling for prayers.  Guess back then that was reserved for the Catholics... and Catholics we weren't.  

I have heard pastors and teachers say "closing your eyes minimizes the distractions" and "bowing your head shows reverence" and I have no idea where or when the folded hands came into importance.  So maybe the whole ritualism is done by some with a sincere heart, but for the most part... it has ceased to be the way that I communicate with my Creator.  



3.  I don't do devotions.  

Maybe my lack of discipline results in my birth order status.  I didn't come out first.  First borns are usually more disciplined and structured.  I am the baby in the family, so discipline and structure didn't come with my birthright.  Add a little A.D.D. personality into the mix and definately there is a problem adhering to any rigid program.  

Again...  like daily bible reading, devotions is something I don't want to "have to" do.  The obligation part of faith is the most tasteless thing to me now.  

WHAT IT KINDA LOOKS LIKE NOW.




Alan Jackson pretty much hits the nail on the head with the song that I grew up listening to, but never really got until much later.  This is what it looks like now.  This is the beauty of the journey.  

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